INSIDE: Added up a bunch of the best finance and money memes around savings, debt, student loans, income, being rich, being broke, and more. Enjoy!

I’m just gonna paste up a bunch of my favorite money memes, because why not?

If I missed any good ones, let me know :)

– J to the Dollar Sign

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Funny Memes About Money

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Money Memes About Financial Freedom

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Memes About Work, Side Hustles, and Making Money

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Money Memes About Coupons

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Money Memes About Investing

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Money Memes About Lending Money to Friends

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Money Memes About Student Loans

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Money Memes About Taxes

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Money Memes About Saving

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Money Memes About Spending

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[This post, A Page Full of #Money Memes, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

[Hey guys! Got a note from a reader of the blog living out in Italy and dealing with an investment mess right now (amongst other things, eek!), and after some back and forth I asked if he’d be willing to share his story as a warning that even the best of us can be scammed. Though there are always red flags looking back, of course! So hopefully this sticks in the back of your mind the next time you find yourself in a too-good-to-be-true situation too… Take it away, Moreno! And glad you’re at least personally safe and healthy over there! :)]

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Hi J,

I am writing you this note to let you and your fellow readers know what happened to me, as well as to more than two thousands investors around Europe.

After some budget scraping last year, I found myself with some extra money to store somewhere. I couldn’t let it stay parked in the bank account as interest rates in Italy are close to 0% and inflation would eat up your purchasing power day by day.

So it’s a no brainer: You-Have-To-Invest. Stocks, bonds, retirement plans, what else? I recalled the rule: diversify your investments. A golden rule, you will soon see why.

While blog-hopping I came across an article which was about peer to business lending. What the heck is peer to business lending? In a few words: a platform which collects money from investors and lends it to other companies to finance their projects. Where you basically purchase a “fraction” of the whole loan in return for a profit.

The projects are detailed on the website: residential construction, warehouses, logistics, renovation, fur processing, oil terminals, dolomite pits, etc. You can see the whole amount of the loan, pictures, description, and of course the juicy part: interest rates.

The typical range is from 17% to 22% per annum, with interest paid monthly and buy back guarantees in case the loan is not repaid by the company.

Wow! I am in!

Let’s start with Kuetzal.com, now off-line and the first platform in which I invested. Their website looked great. SSL certificate, FAQs detailing everything. Positive reviews everywhere, enthusiast bloggers, you can even find referral bonuses which grant you some extra bucks for your investments.

I register, send my ID and in a couple of days my identity is verified. They provide me with an investor ID and an IBAN account on which I have to transfer money to. I make a small deposit. The money is credited on my account, and I try to withdraw it, just to make sure they pay the money back. All smooth. The money goes back and forth from my bank account to them, and comes back when requested.

Now which project should I invest in? There is a promising “Shredder Machine” project coming soon. 24 months, 20% interest, buy back guarantee. The company wants to buy the expensive shredder machine to sub rent it. Perfect. I begin investigating the project.

The company to be financed exists: SIA VM Cargo Service. They have a website, in English, and a Gmail email contact. It’s still online: http://www.vmcargo.lv. I have a look with google maps street view but I cannot spot their logo anywhere at their address, however it looks like (from satellite images) a zone where trailers and trucks are parked. The shredder machine is a truck indeed. Good.

I decide to put €2000 euro in Kuetzal and invest in the shredder machine project. For three months interests are paid out regularly and I withdraw them to my bank account. The only change is Kuetzal replaces its CEO with a younger-than-previous one. Good money is pouring in, so I decide to invest another €2000 euro through a similar platform called Envestio.

Then the dream turns into a nightmare.

A mysterious and anonymous guy (nickname – Peer Duck) begins tweeting hints that some Kuetzal projects are a SCAM, including the shredder project I’m invested in.

My eyes start opening… Why have an English-only website if you work with Estonian and Latvian businesses? I send a note to their email address, but no answer. I do an image search on Google of their “our parking” picture and I find it is a stock photo. I should have done this before!!

On telegram group (a popular messaging platform we use here) the fire is spreading and the investors gather and try to organize themselves. They start collecting evidence and heavily work on due diligence. More red flags keep popping up everywhere.

Then an email from Kuetzal staff: “We have problems with AML and we cannot transfer money, be patient”, then another email: “We are winding down”.

This is the moment in which you realize how silly you have been. 20% interest? Who have you given your money to? An Estonian limited responsibility company, acting in a non regulated market?

Cool. You greedy genius…

So the damage was done, and I was left to figure out what to do next. I still had €2000 euro in Envestio, and I smelled something rotten there, too. I sell my Envestio projects with a 10% penalty and I request immediate withdraw of my money. I was one of the last people lucky enough to get their money back.

Envestio disappeared shortly after, much the same way as Kuetzal did. After the paid out interest and penalty I ended up with a profit of €3,45, and even more importantly my original €2000 investment. A better outcome than the €1984,27 loss from Kuetzal!

When I saw my Envestio money credited back to my bank account I felt like I could breathe again. I went back to the site to see which of my friends were still there, and it made me happy and sad at the same time. Kinda like being on one of the raft boats of the Titanic.

I immediately tried to figure out how to recover my money from Kuetzal and get justice. I knew I couldn’t do it by myself since I live in Italy and the companies were based in Estonia and/or Latvia, and they say they have borrowed money from the Baltics, Ukraine, Russia, and other locales.

Back on telegram I went to try and unite and fight back! There were groups already discussing Envestio but people were getting banned/censored when they rose concerns, so I created a new telegram group and tried promoting it around, eventually gathering more than two thousand people who were also victimized.

Meanwhile the mysterious Peer Duck and a blogger named Kristaps Mors deleted their posts because they were getting threatened (they live in Estonia), so I started getting nervous too having used my real name to create the telegram group and promote it. I decide to buy an anonymous SIM card and create an anonymous telegram account, just in case.

Then eventually a Spanish guy, Guillermo, who’s also a victim, along with another person who prefers to remain anonymous, stepped up and proposed to join together for a collective lawsuit. It’s a huge success, and I contact him to offer my help as well.

Soon a team is created: two Spanish, one Italian (me) and more from other countries contribute their time and knowledge to the common cause. We hired a law firm and incorporated two SVPs (the Estonian LTD) to represent all the claims of the victims.

Envestio and Kuetzal have been pushed to bankruptcy, and both civil and criminal investigations are currently ongoing. Every day new victims join the lawsuit, and so far comprise of more than two thousand people and a collective claim of €13M euros for both cases.

These days Estonia is experiencing a booming market for p2p and p2b investments due to its favorable tax system and technological environment (e-residency). They’re attracting investors from all over Europe, Russia and a number of other countries. Many legitimate platforms are available in the Baltics, and they offer great earning opportunities at an acceptable risk level.

However, institutional actors have been informed of what happened with Kuetzal and Envestio but have so far shown little interest or support in the case. Lack of regulation and institutional support in fraud cases poses a serious uncertainty for the investor seeking to invest in those countries who need to be aware of what’s going on.

At the end of the day it sucks losing €2000 you fought hard to save, but as much as you want to put the blame and hate on the ones scamming you, you soon come to realize that the real person you need to be angry with is yourself.

I feel like I just received a Masters course on how best to get scammed, and I got lucky that I only lost €2k when all was said and done.

Here are the main takeaways I’m walking away with:

1. Differentiate. Always. How more appealing are those bonds now in coronavirus scenario? Didn’t they look like a waste of money when stocks where roaring?
2. Don’t believe in fairy tales. No one is going to give you 20% interests with no risk. Full stop.
3. Reread step #2
4. Be paranoid. With these kinds of investments check everything. Don’t be shy. Pick up the phone and make a phone call. No answer? That’s your answer. Do not PRETEND it is going to be OK! Give up at the first red flag!
5. Think through the What-If scenario. What if the platform fails? What options do you have at your disposal? Would it still be worth it?

I consider what is happening with our lawsuit a miracle. Gathering everyone together highly increases the chances of recovering something, but it has not been easy and requires a paramount effort. Better that I just paid attention to the red flags to begin with!

So, stay safe, healthy and with your eyes wide open ;)

Ciao,
Moreno

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UPDATE: “Since last time I wrote, two other platforms have stopped paying: Monethera and Grupeer. The latter should be about ten times the size (of impact) as Envestio. I was invested in there as well.”

[This post, How I got scammed by p2b fraudsters – and how we’re fighting back, was first published by Guest Author on Elite Edge Money]

Caught this stat the other day and thought I’d get your opinion of it ;)

58% of Millennials would consider banking with Amazon, Facebook or Google
if these tech giants enter the banking space

HAH! Could you imagine??

As if they needed any more of our money (or time)!!

But I missed the cut off of being a millennial and don’t even have a personal Facebook account anymore, so what does this Old fogy know….

I polled my twitter audience for better perspective and their responses did not disappoint ;) (And you can tell they’re millennials because of their epic gif game!)

Haha… that Free Prime idea probably would sway a few folks ;)

But as another (older) commenter pointed out, there’s no way these behemoths would even want to get into the business of banking and subject themselves to tougher financial regulations and more government scrutiny…

So probably not happening anytime soon, oh well!

Still, fun to think of/poke fun at ;)

Here were some other stats from the polling done by financial technology platform, Marqeta.com:

“Only 1-in-6 Millennials said they couldn’t imagine ever wanting to change from their current bank.”

Yup, same here! Over a decade banking with USAA and very much loving having all my accounts under one roof… I’m over the days of rate chasing…

UPDATE: I think I read that stat wrong, haha… It looks like it’s actually the *opposite* and people have no problems cheating on their banks! ;)

“48% of Millennials said they’d consider moving to an independent digital-only bank.”

I can see that… And there are some good digital banks out there right now (Simple Bank, Chime, etc), though not sure what they mean exactly by “independent”?

“More than half of Millennials (52%) said they were comfortable using TouchID and FaceID to authorize mobile wallet payments — almost double the number of Baby Boomers (29%) who said the same.”

Totally. Seems much better security wise than the usual routes to me! Though admittedly I’ve never tried them or even looked into them before, haha…. You guys?

“More than twice as many Millennials (57%) than Baby Boomers (27%) said that they have used peer-to-peer banking apps like Square Cash or Venmo.”

I hear Venmo is all the rage, but I still stick to my old school Paypal account… And they’re basically the same company anyways, just targeted differently.

“Millennials (49%) were twice as likely as Baby Boomers (20%) to pay someone back using a peer-to-peer banking app than a physical currency like cash or check.”

Haha yup… Paying people back in checks is super annoying, but not even for the hassle of writing them out, but for the *waiting* of them to actually be cashed! It’s the worst waiting and waiting and then eventually forgetting until the day it randomly shows up on your account and you pray you have enough funds to cover it! Though I don’t mind an ounce receiving checks in the least, haha…  I’ll take money however it comes! ;)

Anyways, not sure what the point of this is today, but I am curious to hear your thoughts if any of these guys ever DO one day get into the banking business and cause a stir…

Would you ever open an account with Amazon or Google or Facebook? If you had to choose one, which would you go for?

(I’d prob go with Google, just because I’m over Facebook and we already give plenty of our money to Amazon as it is, haha…)

None of them made Forbes’ list of “World’s Best Banks” we shared last week, but you never know – it could be a reality one day!! Technology is creeping into our lives more and more, and it’s good to know where your boundaries lie.

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// Google pic by lalo Hernandez

[This post, Would you ever bank with Amazon, Facebook or Google?, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

Happy Presidents Day!

Here are a bunch of financial stats I’ve been saving up that would shock our founding fathers right up from out of their graves, haha…

All that freedom they fought for, and what do we do with it all?? Spend it accumulating more junk and getting those shackles right back on us!

Treasonous!

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“43.3% of Americans have less than $500 set aside for a financial emergency” – MyBankTracker.com

:(

“14.5% of Americans don’t even know what an emergency fund is.” – MyBankTracker.com

:( :(

“Americans are dying with an average of $62,000 of debt” – CBSNews.com

:( :( :(

“Traditional burials average $7,360 and two-thirds of Americans have not taken the steps to detail their final arrangements” – National Funeral Directors Association

Yeah, BECAUSE THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO DIE!

“Two-thirds of pet parents would buy a portrait, blanket or article of clothing with their dogs face on it.” – Rover.com

And exactly why those stats up there are facts, haha….

“43% of dog lovers would consider signing their dog up for doga (dog yoga).” – Rover.com

Okay I lied, this would be the reason

(Photo by ErharYaksaa on the Doga Wikipedia page… It’s a real thing!)

“26% of people admit to hiding debt from their partner” – LendingClub.com

But on the positive side, the same study showed over a quarter of people surveyed said they’d “rather date someone who has NEVER owned a credit card, than someone who has moderate credit card debt ($1k – $10k).” That’s interesting! I wonder how big that pool of people is though who’s never had a card before?? Most would be in Generation Z, right?

“57% of Americans say that finances are preventing them from checking things off their bucket lists” – ProvisionLiving.com

(Well duh!)

“The average amount of money people are willing to spend on a bucket list item – $3,801” – ProvisionLiving.com

Okay, that’s more interesting :)

“The top financial bucket list goals – 1. Pay off debt 2. Pay off mortgage 3. Retire early 4. Save for child’s tuition 5. Donate to charity 6. Buy a home.” – ProvisionLiving.com

Those aren’t bucket lists – those are financial goals! Haha… Though I’m not hating on them!

“Nearly 1 in 3 Americans think “Bigfoot” being real is more likely than retiring comfortably” – AARP

Okay, well we all know Bigfoot is legit, but retiring?? That one’s so much easier to get than bigfoot! :)

“A burglary occurs every 13 seconds, and 34% of burglars will enter a home through the front door.” –  SafeAtLast.co

So pretty much, about 15 robberies have happened since you’ve been reading this post, womp womp…

“According to the FBI, the average value lost per burglary is $2,416” –  SafeAtLast.co

That seems low? No? Though I guess a robber would be pretty hard pressed to find anything in my house worth over $300 (TV), haha… unless they find my coin collection (*gasp*!)

“Nearly 60 percent of investors ages 18 to 34 say they already have taken money from their retirement account” – E-Trade Financial

ACK!! That’s the #1 no-no in the Hand Book of Investing! Convert it to cash or make trades ’till the cows come home, but for the love of all wealth – don’t remove it from the account!

“1/3 of LGBTQ people in the US admit taking out a Payday Loan” – OverdraftApps.com

That sucks, but did you know we actually have a handful of great LGBTQ $$$ bloggers in our community? One of my favorites is DebtFreeGuys.com, and I’m hoping they’ll accept my request of putting together a comprehensive *list* for others to quickly find as well :) We have such a talented – and diverse – group of people in our financial community here. It’s really incredible!

“On average, people have six past late payments on their credit report.” – LendingTree.com

I probably did too in my 20s, but proud to say there hasn’t been a ding on there the last few times I’ve ran it ;) Which you can do for FREE at any time, btw, by going to AnnualCreditReport.com (sounds spammy, but it’s for real!).

“Men are nearly 2.5 times (over 17% compared to 7%) more likely to be scammed than women.”

That’s because us men aren’t as smart as women :)

*** But there are some GOOD things happening too! ***

“95% of borrowers in the 100 metros we reviewed are paying their bills on time.” – LendingTree.com

Work it, America!

“62% of shoppers say that they have used coupon apps or deal sites to find deals when they shop.“ – Ting.com

One of the best habits you can get into! I’ve found countless coupons from $1.00 off to $100 off over the years with a simple 5 second search on Google… And pair that with the browser extension, Honey, and often times you don’t even have to bother yourself as it’ll automatically find them for you!

“59% of America has already cut the cord” – WaterstoneGroup.com

It’s a beautiful thing!! We’re on year #3 ourselves of being cable-free and haven’t missed it an ounce… Though we do cheat and have bunny ears, as well as Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon prime for instant streaming ;) You take those away and I’ll def. miss it, haha…

“People who live west of the Rockies are the most likely to repay their credit card debt on time” – LendingTree.com

Random, but awesome!

The top 3 states to retire early: #1. South Dakota, #2. Kentucky, #3. Montana – SmartAdvisorMatch.com

No Colorado??? King of the FIRE bloggers?

“Alabama is the best state in the US for financially savvy over 55s.” – Stannah-Stairlifts.com

*Makes calendar item 16 years in the future to remind myself*

“Top Cities to Pay off Credit Card Debt: #1. Tacoma, WA, #2. Bakersfield, CA, #3. Fort Worth, TX” – SmartAsset.com

I will never in 100 years move to Fort Worth, but God bless you and your credit card skills!

“Financially secure people workout 46% more” – CometFi.com

Looks like I finally made it then – score!!  Three months in a row now running consistently and will have to make sure and never stop if it means going broke again, haha…

Run, J. Money, RUN!!!!!

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And that’s it for this round…

Print these nuggets out and make sure to recite them at your Presidents Day galas tonight! That Bigfoot one never disappoints!

For further statistical enjoyment:

• Financial Stats Bomb #1
• Financial Stats Bomb #2
• Financial Stats Bomb #3
• Financial Stats Bomb #4

#KThxBye

[This post, Stats That Would Make Our Founding Fathers Cringe, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

Just got a note about TD Bank’s 4th annual “Love and Money” survey, and it reminded me we haven’t done a good Stats Bombing around here lately :)

Here’s a plethora of data I’ve collected over the past handful of months from press releases and surveys sent over… I’ve tried to pick out the more juicy parts for your enjoyment ;)

Quotes and sources are below, along with my own two cents, of course…

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4th Annual “Love and Money” Survey
(via TDBank.com)

“We conducted an online survey with 1,749 respondents (1,522 married/in a committed relationship; 227 divorcees)… Qualifying respondents were over 18 years of age, live in the U.S, and are in a relationship (not single) or divorced.”

“Roughly 6-in-10 believe it is harder to find “true love” over “financial success””

Such an interesting question to pose!! I think I’d agree – finding true love isn’t always in your control, whereas most of your finances are. And the more in control of your finances you are, the better shot of attracting that *person* in your life too – BOOM! Budgeting = confidence = sexy.

“Almost 3-in-10 report talking about money (27%) before going out on their first date through a digital dating service.”

LOVE THIS!! That’s a lot of people talking about money before meeting up in real life! I met my wife the old fashioned way before I got a chance to dabble in the online dating world (met her at a bar where she asked me where the bathroom was – hah! I told her it was on the dance floor ;)), so never experienced what that was like, though I hear it’s either super awesome or super scary. Any of you guys meet your spouse online? Did you guys talk $$$ before meeting in real life?

“55% of couples combine their money, up 4% since last year.”

We’re combiners here too for a couple reasons: 1) it’s much easier to track and watch over when it’s all streamlined, and 2) it feels like we’re more of a “team” doing it this way, which marriage is all about! Of course, it might be different if I had trust issues or been in toxic relationships in the past so I totally get why you’d want to separate it out, but so far it’s been working out well for us.

Another idea is to combine, but keep *one* separate account opened where you can do as you please with no questions asked :) This lets you keep some of your autonomy and freedom more, while also letting you be a bit loose and not have to worry about it affecting your major goals/dreams.

“70% of couples share decisions around large-scale purchases”

Well I would hope so! If you’re not discussing the big things, what are you discussing??

3% of couples interviewed spent $55,000 or more on their wedding.

WOW. It would be interesting to see just how much “more”, if we could even fathom that! But I shouldn’t talk much, ‘cuz while we did spend around average for our wedding, it looks like I rank pretty high on the price paid for the engagement ring…

“The average engagement ring spend is $2,841, up from $2,016 last year.”

I spent $7,800

“42% of divorcees report improved financial well being after divorce, split evenly among men and women (42% and 43%).”

Well that seems encouraging! It’s not the majority of divorcees, but you’re always hearing how divorce devastates on your finances and is hell, so this seems a bit more hopeful than I would have expected? Any divorcees out there want to chime in?

UPDATE: Check out what Jody and MK said in the comments below re: divorce – really insightful!

And then lastly from TD Bank, a screenshot off their Report I liked:

(Pay special attention to that “intimacy” part :) )

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Millennial Retirement Spending Study
(via Lendedu.com)

“Surveying 1,000 Americans within [the 22 and 37 age range], LendEDU sought out to discover monthly millennial spending habits on things like coffee, groceries, and online streaming services; we then stacked those expenditures up against their monthly retirement savings.”

“27% of the millennial respondents were spending more on coffee each month than they were saving for retirement.” 

Yes, but let’s be honest – coffee is a necessity ;) Plus, how much could you spend on coffee every month anyways?

“49% of millennials were spending more on restaurants and dining out each month than they were saving for retirement.”

That sounds a lot more right, haha… although still means 51% *are* saving more than not!

“Amongst millennial respondents that were saving for retirement, the average amount saved per month was $480″

NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!! Almost $500 every – single – month, how beautiful!! Do you know how much that’ll grow over the years??? [Hint: a lot]

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LGBTQ Money Survey
(via Experian.com)

“In conjunction with Pride Month 2018, Experian recently surveyed 500 individuals who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans or queer to learn more about their financial behaviors and attitudes. The Experian survey also included 500 non-LGBTQ Americans. ”

(This one’s out of my experience range so can’t comment on, but I throw them out there for further thinking/discussion if anyone wants to chime in!)

• 62% of LGBTQ respondents reported having experienced financial challenges because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
• 44% of LGBTQ respondents said they struggle to maintain adequate savings vs. 38% of the general population.
• 34% of said they have bad spending habits that they’d like to improve or change vs. 28% of the general population.
• LGBTQ respondents estimated they devote 16% of monthly income to discretionary spending, but just 11% to saving or investment.

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2018 Women in the Independent Workforce Report
(via Freshbooks.com)

“FreshBooks, in conjunction with Research Now, surveyed more than 2,700 people in the U.S. who work full time – either as traditional employees, independent professionals, or small business owners.”

(Same with this group – don’t know enough to share any insight, though I’m fascinated by that last line!)

• Women who work for themselves earn 28% less than their male peers in America
• Self-employed women in construction earn 38% less than men (compared to traditionally-employed women in construction earn 2% less than their male peers)
• Women make up 80% of healthcare – but are paid 35% less
• There are only 2 industries where women earn more than men. They’re paid 24% more in I.T. and 29% more in marketing and communications. In education, they break even.
• Self-employed women struggle twice as much as men when it comes to setting rates
• 96% of women want to stay self-employed

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Survey of 1,007 Parents
(via Decluttr.com)

“Decluttr.com surveyed 1,007 parents in the U.S. to determine how they deal with their children when it comes to smartphones.”

Now this one I will chime in on! :)

“20% of children between the ages of 1 to 6 own a smartphone in the United States”

NO!! What kid needs a phone at that age?? Or I should say – SMARTphone? Give ’em a walkie talkie or flip phone if you’re going the “emergency” route, but a smart phone?? I’m keeping my kids off the internet for as long as I’m legally allowed to, haha…

UPDATE: Check out mollyjade’s comment down below on this… medical stuff is always an exception :(

“Half of parents agree the most appropriate age for a child to own a phone is between 10 to 13 years old”

That sounds more right, though again they don’t necessarily need a *smart* phone – even though every single friend of theirs will have one by then, ugh… It’ll actually be interesting to see if those Relays that Republic Wireless just came out with will change up the industry at all. I hope so! I’ve been waiting for phones to get dumbed back down again for years now – so many good uses for them!! Particularly with kids or the elderly, etc… (On a side note, I’m trying to pick up a few of those Relays to test them on my kids – I’ll report back if I do!)

“29% of parents spent more than $100 on their 1 to 6-year-old’s smartphone”

Well yeah – smartphones are expensive! Unless you hand down your old one to them, which again – ain’t happening here.

“83% say their children spend up to 21 hours per week on their phones”

I feel like that’s a lot? 3 hours/day? Or am I just strict? Haha…  Our “screen time” at home is about an hour a day which lets each kid watch one of their favorite shows each, and then it’s back to play-time or they turn into zombies… Although one of the reasons they’re so happy to have a 3rd brother now is that they’ll get more time to watch TV when he gets to pick his favorite show every day too – hah!

“68% of parents have not placed limitations on their children’s smartphones”

Not sure if that’s limitations on the phones themselves (like no internet, games, etc), or the actual time spent on them, but either way without any limits there’s no telling what they’d get into. Not happening with this old man!

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Clips from other surveys and press releases:

Here’s some clips I picked off from other random surveys and press releases I’ve been sent over the past handful of months…

“Three-quarters of Americans check their bank balance weekly, but only 27% create an annual budget for their household.” – USAA (press release)

Haha yeah, I used to check my bank accounts EVERY SINGLE DAY when I first got hooked here :) Eventually realized I could scale back a bit and now only check maybe 2-3 days total a month (mainly to pay bills and update the ol’ net worth), but I say better to over check your balances than under check!

As for budgeting, I’ve stopped doing that after I finally got a good grasp on my finances, and now stick to just updating our net worth every month which motivates me a lot more. (And is 10x easier to do :))

“Nearly two-thirds (159 million) said having as little as $60 extra cash a year would make a difference in their lives.” – USAA (press release)

I wish I could find this original press release as I don’t know how you poll 150+ million people?!, but it is interesting (and scary) that $60 a year could make such a difference in people’s lives. But the beauty is that most of us waste $60 probably every month on stuff that could easily be recouped! It’s not as easy as someone just handing you a $60.00 check, but by paying closer attention to your habits every day I’m willing to bet you could find it… (and not talking about those in poverty in our country, of course, but those of us in the middle class who are mainly reading this blog).

“74% of people say they’ve gone into debt to pay for a vacation, to the tune of $1,108, on average.” – LearnVest Money Habits and Confessions Survey

Old me: Oh yeah! Fun times > debt!
New me: Oh, HELL NO! Freedom > debt!

“100% of those who read eliteedgemoney.com will become millionaires over their lifetime.”
– Warren Buffett

The most factual stat of all! :)

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Questions? Comments? Concerns? Share below and we shall discuss!

For further statistical enjoyment:

• Some Pretty Explosive $$$ Stats!
• Could You Come Up With $2,000 in An Emergency?
• Science Has Finally Proven It: Elite Edge Money!

// TD Bank compensated me to be included in this round of stats bombing…

[This post, Financial Stats Bomb!, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

Last week, 3 different people emailed me asking for advice because they keep getting pressured by friends and family (especially family) *to buy a home* when neither one of them wants to.

I got so riled up after the last message that I shot the following tweet out which caused quite the hubbub for a hot minute or so:

As it turns out, I wasn’t alone in this thinking.

Here were some of the messages and stories I got throughout the day:

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“Being already buried in ton of debt didn’t even shield me from the house shaming. It doesn’t stop. The stress of getting out of my existing debt has soured me on taking out a mortgage so I’ve developed Teflon skin about it now.” – @DoubleDebtWoman

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“This is so true. Everyone wants you to buy a house. But guess what? Only YOU are paying for it. Your rent is the most you’ll pay per month for shelter while your mortgage payment is the least! Taxes, reno’s, repairs, taxes — homeowners have costs beyond a simple rent payment.” – @SquawkFox

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“Please keep preaching this message. A house does not make you wealthy. Money and net worth makes you wealthy. Can a house purchase be a part of a good financial plan? Yes. Is it essential? No. You need a roof over your head. I know lots of winners who rent. Lifestyle choice!” – @BuildFMuscle

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“We get so much about this from family and we own a large two bedroom condo in an expensive city! It’s not just rent shaming – it’s non-house shaming too.” – @LeighPerFin 

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“We pay a shit ton for a furnished rental and we’re happy as larks. Amazing neighborhood, awesome landlord, amenities we’d never pay for on our own (saltwater pool, hot tub, prof home gym, chickens), and ZERO RESPONSIBILITY. Freeeeeeeeeedom!!!” – @HardlyWarckens

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“I was totally #houseshamed into buying my house way back when…. now we live in an Airstream. Apparently we have thicker skin now ;)” – @AStreaminLife

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I get people wanting to help those they love, but after the first or second mention it’s time to back off and let them live their own lives! (Unless specifically asked!)

We all know what YOU would do in our shoes – but you’re not in our shoes, and you don’t fully know our situation/dreams/desires either. You see a sliver of it, but fortunately there are many different routes to happiness.

And for what it’s worth, I’m not even *against* home ownership at all! I actually think it’s an enormous benefit to people, and I give everyone mad respect for going after it if it’s what they truly want in their lives. And even more so, for paying it off early! The takeaway there though is “what you truly want in your life” – and spoiler alert, not everyone wants to own a house. Or have a car, bicycle, iPhone, video game, kids, wife, dog, TV.

There’s plenty of stuff to occupy and improve our lives, and thank GOD we live in a country that affords us such freedoms without fear or worry of incarceration! We should be so lucky!

So please, for the love all things holy, stop the shaming.

• Stop shaming people into buying homes when they’re not ready
• Stop shaming people into buying new cars if they don’t want them
• Stop shaming people into going to college (or not going to college!)
• Stop shaming people into saving instead of going out partying/traveling with you
• Stop shaming people into early retirement if they’ve been smart enough to figure out how
• And just overall stop shaming people into anything else they’ve consciously chosen to do in their lives, regardless of whether you approve of it or not

If you see someone making a mistake, say your piece and then let your loved ones figure it out on their own. If they choose wrong, you’ll be there for them when they come back asking for help, and if they choose right – then maybe consider re-assessing your own views and see it as an opportunity to grow yourself! We’re not always as smart as we like to think we are! ;))

A 4th message came in as I sat down to finish this post, and the last few lines of it just filled me with so much pride and lightened up my entire day:

At Easter my boyfriend’s aunt was asking me why we hadn’t yet moved in together yet, to which I responded “I want to pay off my loans first.” To my surprise, I found myself defending my decision to a table full of 50+ year olds about the possibility of financial independence. They responded with things like “there will always be something that comes up,” or “you’ll always be paying off something” – to which I confidently said “But why should that be the norm?” That made me feel so strong. It made me feel confident, like I had all the answers, which for once I’m okay accepting that stereotype of millennials – because in this instance I think it was warranted :)”

She went on to say that she’s never been so happy and confident with her decisions and conversations around money since finding $$$ blogs, and is now finally able to “really understand the meaning of financial stability” and the role it plays in both her life and relationships. And she’s certainly walking the talk too, just about killing $60,000 of student loans which will be cleared away completely next month – exactly 3 years after her graduation.

You do your thing, girl! Own that life of yours!!

And I hope all you reading this will also embrace your beliefs and strive for everything you want deep down inside. Only YOU know what you want most out of life (sorry, moms!), so stick with your heart, do your best, and then brush those shoulders off whenever you fall. Which you will, but better to fail doing something you want vs failing doing something others want.

This is your life!! Stay true to yourselves!!

[This post, Stop The #HouseShaming, People!, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

[Please welcome one half of the duo from DukeofDollars.com today, as Jack spills his heart here on all things financial he learned from growing up in a helluva toxic household, ugh… As a parent this KILLS ME, and I wish this upbringing on no kids out there! What is wrong with people????]

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The first time I rode a four wheeler as a kid, my dad plopped me down on the machine without a helmet and pointed me at the trailhead. This same guy — we’ll call him Ronald, because he’s kind of a clown — then hopped on his mechanical high horse and proceeded to take off down the trail, yelling “Follow me!” behind him. A 90-degree corner immediately greeted me, and with my limited 20 feet experience of riding so far, I was bucked off the machine as it proceeded to climb straight up a tree. I cracked my head, and the four wheeler landed right on top of me.

After waiting a minute or two, I realized I was all on my own with this problem as Ronald was long gone. I mustered the strength to kick off this heavy burden, climbed back on top of that mofo, and then sped passed Ron while flipping him the bird.

That’s pretty much how my financial life started too: flat on my ass with an enormous weight holding me down and no parent in sight.

Lesson #1: Don’t Sell The Shares You Inherited and Blow The Proceeds on Four Wheelers!

Those same ATVs mentioned above? They were purchased from stock my parents inherited. I wasn’t privy to all the details, but the sum I guestimated they received was in the $50k – $100k range: invested in what my parents called “blue chips,” which was the first time I’d heard that phrase before. What I do know, however, is that a $15k chunk started its brief life under the tutelage of my parents as the bluest of blue stocks on the market: IBM.

In 1992, a single share of IBM was worth about $88 unadjusted for splits, meaning my parents possessed roughly 170 shares. Let’s assume that instead of rushing down to Honda Motorsports before the check even cleared, Ron and his wife had the foresight to hold onto this small fraction of their inheritance and just let it ride. They could’ve spent almost $29,000 in dividends to date and still be sitting on a split-adjusted 680 shares, which would now be worth over $95,000; the annual dividend for 2017 and beyond is projected to be > $3,800.

That’s a lot of Power Wheels.

When I draw lessons from this mistake, I look at not only the hypothetical end-result, but also what kind of mindset it would take to ride IBM from 1992 to 2017. Seven years into the experiment, IBM experienced a meteoric rise powered by the turbo booster of the tech bubble. The shares reached a high of roughly $138 in 1999, right about where the price sits today, nearly 20 years down the road. During the ensuing crash, IBM dipped below $60.

Depending on your mindset, it might’ve been tempting to sell at both the high and the low phases: lock in gains in the former, or salve your fear of further losses with the latter. The company was considered the unassailable stalwart of tech during the 90’s, but its waning market position redefined the business in investors’ eyes. Declining revenue and a lack of innovation has transformed the perception of IBM from a shining star to a washed-up has-been.

I try to focus much of my investing efforts on the hold part of buy-and-hold. In the case of IBM, a dividend powerhouse, I’d pool the dividends and invest in a different, more stable sector. Diversify not through selling, but by redirecting the increasingly fat dividend stream into other businesses.

Lesson #2: Maintain Your $hit or It Becomes Worthless

They lasted just two years. No, not my parents’ faltering marriage, still talking about those damn ATVs. It turns out that engines have this weird substance called “oil,” and it needs to be changed every now and then. Three gently-used automobiles later, my parents finally discovered that cars, too, also have this same strange substance in it.

The three cars: 1) Ford Explorer, 2) Mercury Sable, 3) Lincoln Town Car – all bought with < 40k miles, and all dead by 75k miles because of engine problems.

A dear relative of mine gifted me a granny car when I was 16. I loved and appreciated the crap out of that vehicle, old people smell and all. When I scurried off to college, a school that banned freshmen from parking vehicles on campus, my parents decided to reappropriate my car to my older sister for a year. She begrudgingly returned it with a dead inspection sticker soon after the school year ended. Yes, I got a ticket on my ride home.

Surprise, surprise: she too had never learned about oil. Within a week, I heard the familiar sound of a seizing engine. Fortunately, I was able to limp the car to my friend’s house where his girlfriend was palling around with this hot chick in a bikini who happened to be a mechanic’s daughter. Though I’d learned the lesson already, I pretended to be ignorant about checking fluids while she “assisted” me.

She’s now my wife.

The first time I met my future father-in-law, he towered over me, crushed my handshake, and told me, “Boy if you ever hurt my daughter, I’ll rip your head off and cram it up your ass.” The most productive man I ever met, he was always tinkering on something. When he helped me with a plumbing issue, I asked him how he knew what the problem was. He replied, “I had no idea. I just figure out how to take it apart and then figured out how to put it back together.”

That’s perhaps the best repair advice I’ve ever received. Everything comes apart somehow, even if it’s not obvious at first. As far as maintenance tasks go, I rely on reminders. Google calendar is set to nudge me whenever air filters need to be replaced, batteries charged, gutters cleaned, and yes – especially when oil needs changing.

Lesson #3: Cheating and Refusing to Pay Taxes Are – Go Figure – Illegal

Leave it to my parents to find a silver lining in a DIY storm cloud. They ended up donating all four totaled vehicles to a registered charity. Pretty generous, right? Except for the part where they forged the receipts to show that the cars were in pristine condition and worth 4x the correct stated value.

Tax time for ol’ Ronnie was a game he played with TurboTax – fudging every number until the exact moment that the software threw a red flag. It was an endless game of chicken with the IRS. Unclaimed income, fictitious and overstated donations, illegal claiming of dependents, falsified businesses, enormous home offices: if you can think of a way to cheat taxes, my parents did it.

Before I cut ties for good, I learned that they were outraged to have received a thick envelope from Uncle Sam. Those IBM divvy’s probably would’ve come in handy around the time Ronald & Company decided to burn the mysterious contents of that package.

Determined to be their antiprotégé, I once filed an amended return when I realized that tips weren’t automatically included in my pizza delivery summer job W2 to stay on the “good” side.

Lesson #4: Cigarettes and Drugs – A Surefire Path to Financial Ruin and Misery

Legal correspondence wasn’t my family’s favorite fuel. That award would be split between the cigarettes and the drugs. At the age of fourteen, I sneaked one of my parents’ cigs to see what the fuss was about. I ratted myself out with a nasty gagging fit on my first couple draws and was promptly scolded right after: par for the course for teenage mischief.

The next day, however, my parents gave me a pack of my own cigarettes so that I wouldn’t have to steal theirs. I smoked for four formative years until I landed my first office job and realized how much the habit would hold me back in the workplace. And by that time, the free cigarette train had run out of track.

With an hourly pay rate just a smidgen above minimum wage, it didn’t take me long to figure out how expensive it was to roll up and burn a $5 bill every day.

While cigarettes seared a massive hole in the household “budget,” at least they were legal. My drug dabbling experience, getting caught, and the resulting parental guidance all adhered to the same pattern as the tobacco. Drugs, however, were difficult for my parents to find. In me, they saw a budding conduit to the black market.

My relationship with my parents had been strained, to put it kindly, up until the moment they realized that I had nefarious connections. That revelation ushered in a brief golden age between father, mother, and son. They were oh-so-friendly during my mid-teens. Bless their hearts.

Ron was pulling in a solid income by this time frame, helped along by his thievery from the taxman. He approached the drug market much like a soccer mom at Costco – preferring to buy in bulk to secure the discounts. Behind the force of his seed capital, along with the entrepreneurship of the local high school slinger, a small narcotics empire quickly rose in my town. Faster than it had risen, the entire enterprise crashed down hard right after, tossing a few people straight into prison along its demise.

Miraculously, neither Ron nor I emerged with a scratch on our records. He employed me as a delivery driver specializing in felonious interstate transportation, nearly ruining my life before adulthood was even on the horizon. I was a child. His child. For this, forgiveness isn’t in the cards.

Between the ages of 15 and 18, I did glean a few useful money lessons throughout these illicit business ventures though. I learned about cost of goods sold, profit margins, inventory, goodwill with vendors, shrinkage, the compounding power of addictive consumerism, etc. One of my top investments to this day is an alcohol purveyor.

Most of all though, I started to learn about risk. I’ve read that the human brain doesn’t reach its full risk-processing power until age 25, and I know from experience that I was nearly blind to the concepts of probability and consequences as an adolescent. Nearing my mid-twenties, I began to realize just how mind-bogglingly reckless my teenage endeavors were regardless of whether I’d acted at the behest of my parents or not.

The whole clusterf*ck set into motion a deep-set sense of personal responsibility. I learned that I needed to take control of my own life, live up to my own standards, and then reap the rewards of my own hard work, while accepting the consequences of any misdeed that I committed on my own.

The Fallout

I eventually got out of the drug game. The first person that I ever cut out of my life was a young man I considered to be my best friend. He also happened to be the founder and CEO of my parents’ personal apothecary. Little did I know at the time, the night I watched a movie with him, shook his hand, and told him to never contact me again was also the beginning of the end of my parent-child relationship. What precious little of it remained, anyway.

As my underworld connections withered and died, my parents’ addictions grew ravenously. They latched on to as many mind-altering substances they could find to escape from the reality that their house was falling down all around them. And I mean that quite literally, not a metaphor at all.

Their master bathroom had sprung a leak, causing the tub to partially fall through the kitchen ceiling where it remained for a number of years – completely suspended above a mountain of dishes that stared back at the foreign visitor from upstairs, each neglected task accompanied by its own steady drip drip drip of water that seemed to spend all night debating with its counterpart over which quagmire would be resolved first.

I didn’t stick around long enough to find out who won.

One by one, major appliances choked out their last efforts. Water heater, washer, A/C, furnace: all met their demise over a $200 repair bill that Ron refused to pay, instead opting for a $200 baggie in its place. All the while, he pulled in a six figure income.

With financial ruin creeping up from behind, my parents found a frugal alternative to visiting the ghetto: they could manufacture the drugs themselves! I’m not aware of a federally sponsored comeuppance for this crime, but it’s only a matter of time. I still have nightmares of black helicopters and predawn raids.

Lesson #5: Running a Puppy Mill Inside Your House Might Not Be a Good Idea For Side Income

In a last-ditch effort to support their drug habits over their children, my parents turned to exploiting something even more defenseless: dogs.

Because affording a kennel was out of the question, the clown committee determined that the operation should be run indoors. Eventually all manner of canine bodily fluids spread across the floors and down the walls as up to 20 helpless, unvaccinated, creatures were forced to reproduce inside the crumbling confines of my parents’ nightmare.

One poor soul died of a perpetual and untreated kidney infection; he’d bay woefully as he urinated blood behind my father’s overused recliner. They were heartless enough to have named that dog Cash. I’d moved out well before the breeding began, and my bewildered parents wondered why I never came to visit any more.

Lesson #6: “I’ll Just Come Live With My Adult Child” Is Not a Valid Retirement Plan

When the eviction was finally enforced, my parents — considering themselves victims of the gravest injustices — turned to me for help, requiring assistance which absolutely must be delivered in the form of $30,000 cash.

I’ll never forget hearing the words on the phone from my mother, “You have good credit, right?”

Invitations from me to them became exceedingly rare, so they continuously strategized ways to drop in unannounced. Once when I was still under their roof and underage, my father decided to spend an entire year without speaking a single word to me. He returned to this antisocial mechanism later at my own house as he sat on my couch, uninvited and scowling, while his wife tried to coax a few dollars out from my pockets. And if I didn’t have any, then certainly I might have some drugs they could borrow, right?

That day didn’t end pleasantly, and the next time I heard from them, my parents extended an invitation for me to celebrate dear ol’ Dad on Father’s Day.

I didn’t show up. That single inaction, one decision of defiance, was my sole moment when I’d finally had enough. It unleashed a torrent of hatred. He compared my absence — my refusal to fete the fool — to the terrorist attacks on 9/11. My inbox, voicemail, and mailbox overflowed with verbal vomit. I responded with silence.

In the years that followed, I spoke just eight total words to him on two separate occasions: “Never contact me again” and “Leave my wife alone.” I didn’t owe him the time of day, much less an explanation.

Where We Are Today – A Position of Strength

That’s the origin of my quest for financial independence. Ronnie knew that my separation from my parents had something to do with money, but his thoughts on the matter were completely twisted. In his magnum opus on the fantasy of filicide, he wrote,

“I am sorry I didn’t save money for you, blahahahahaha. You did nothing to earn it. Parents owe their children nothing.”

The fact was I wanted nothing from my parents but love and respect. I may as well have asked for the moon. When I was 18, I discovered that I could leverage frugality and a decent income to build a fortress that no person could disturb. Money was my ticket out from under the thumb of an abusive upbringing, and I still get chills when I watch Mr. Collins’ rendition of “F*ck You Money.”

Now, I’m close to that position of ultimate financial strength. I live in my own house with my beautiful, loving wife, and our pets whose healthcare rivals that of a senator’s. All my appliances and vehicles work flawlessly, and I pay gobs of taxes each year. Every single person in my inner circles shares with me a mutual love and respect, and I’m not beholden to any addictive or destructive force whatsoever.

Life is good… And I don’t own any damn four wheelers!

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The Master Dukes of Dollars are the dynamic duo from The Duke of Dollars Kingdom. The two bloggers held court frequently, delving into lifestyle and personal finance discussions as they searched for ways to live an optimal life, eventually deciding to invite a global audience into their mindsets by establishing their own blog together. Chris is the younger of the two and recently launched his Great War on Debt soon after achieving a positive net worth, while Jack – the author of this guest post – is further down the road towards FIRE and is seeking a cure for onemoreyearitis. Their primary mission is to help others build their financial kingdoms, providing the world with a road-map that leads to a fortified personal monetary policy.

Want more stories like this? Check out these posts next:

• My Life (And Finances) After Escaping a Cult
• What Being Homeless Taught Me About Money and Happiness
• Seeking Financial Stability as a Gay, Non-White, Man of Muslim Faith

[Photo up top NOT of Jack’s dad – it comes courtesy of zachandlinz on Flickr]

[This post, What My Ridiculous Parents Taught Me About Money, was first published by Guest Author on Elite Edge Money]

Went in to pay my AMEX card as I usually do each month (on time), and saw this gem of a notice highlighted in my face as I went to click the “pay” button:

“If we do not receive your Minimum Payment Due by the Payment Due Date of 09/08/17, you may have to pay a late fee of up to $38.00 and your APRs may be increased to the Penalty APR of 29.99%.”

Umm.. WHAT?? A Penalty APR? 29.99%?? Is that a warning or a threat to your perfectly-paying loyal customer for the past 7 years straight? I know I never give you any interest fees, but damn – didn’t know it was going to be like that.

Interestingly enough, I’ve been learning all about these “penalty APRs” lately as we’re putting together our list of favorite credit cards we’ll be releasing here on the blog soon, but the whole time I just assumed this stuff was for other people – not me. You know, for those going on benders left and right and maxing out their cards on lottery tickets and bling while they live in their vans down by the river.

But for ME? J. Money?? Pshh… Who do you take me for?

Answer: someone who will apparently be paying $40 late fees and 30% interest rates if they F up at any time! Haha… (And new companions of all those van dwelling party friends it seems too ;))

Of course, good luck trying to pry away my credit cards when they make my life simpler and reward me with niceties like free cash back, but it’s a good reminder to continue staying vigilant as ain’t no one immune to this nonsense out there.

In fact, here are some other reminders to keep in mind as well if you’re trying to stay on the good side of the Credit Card Police. Because here’s the crazy part – all of these fees are perfectly legal!!

1. ALWAYS – no matter what – pay at least the minimum owed on your cards every single month. Don’t give them a chance to bend you over – do whatever it takes! UPDATE: Good tips in the comments today y’all – especially on setting up automatic payments to at least take care of the minimums in case you forget! I always forget that one as I manually log in and pay off my balances each month (to force myself to double check everything!).
2. If you DO slip up, which you will – because you’re human – call them up right away and beg put on your sweetest, most sexiest voice, and ask them to please waive it for you as you’ve been a loyal customer and plan on giving them more and more of your hard earned money over time. If they say no, ask to speak to a manager and then repeat (if the manager says no, hang up and try again!).
3. Make sure you’re aware of all these sneaky stipulations your card can attach! I’m not sure if this is a new thing for AMEX or if it’s always been there and I’m just now noticing it (you know when you start seeing stuff over and over again once you learn about it for the first time?) but whatever the case, know that not *all* credit cards implement these types of penalty rates. So it may make sense to start searching around for a new one if the potential downsides outweigh the temporary inconvenience of switching. Which leads us to the last item…
4. Make sure you REALLY know yourself well! If you know you’re going to miss out on payments, or have a good chance of blowing money before you’ve even earned it, stay as far away from credit cards as you possibly can. There are plenty of other ways to get through life without them, and despite what companies or “experts” say, avoiding debt is much more important than your credit score or extra rewards. Don’t even risk it!

As for me and my AMEX card, well, I won’t be canceling it anytime soon as I still trust myself enough to play by the rules, but they’re not gonna win any Best Friends award anytime soon… And one day they just may find themselves on the cutting block if need be!

The credit card game is getting real out there, fam. Watch them backs.

[This post, Sneaky Credit Card Penalties!, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

This is a quick note to remind us that not everything goes to plan – even when you do hit FIRE!!

(Left in the comment section of our early retirement quiz last week)

I haven’t really done the quiz – but rather than be a role model for y’all, let me be your warning.

I had aimed for retirement by 50. And achieved it. At 51 – my husband of 20 years walked without warning. Suddenly, I am backwards financially again.

Instead of having paid off the house, I am going to have to go get a mortgage. Instead of being able to run my own small business and live a slower paced life, that mortgage is forcing me back into the full time workforce. I have taken in a house mate to help with the bills, that used to be shared.

I am fortunate because I have had a superannuation (your 401k?) building up since I was 18. But this is the kind of thing that can leave people suddenly destitute.

Do what you need to build up your emergency fund, keep your own bank account, watch out for STDs (sexually transmitted debt) that can end up in the asset pool when doing a property settlement. And definitely work towards early retirement.

Because when you least expect it, your situation can change without warning.

I can’t even imagine going through this, but let me just say: DAYUUUUUUUM! What a kick to the balls! Killer reminder for sure, sugarglider, and something we often forget about with all our financial wizardry over here…

This time around it was a lame husband of yours, but others aren’t so lucky and won’t even live to see the wise age of 51, or have a myriad of other catastrophes hit without warning.

So I hear you loud and clear, friend. Plan for contingencies, stack as much as we can, and above all – appreciate what we’ve got right here in the moment! No one can predict what’s around the corner!

Now quick, someone tell me something GOOD! :)

[This post, Beware of STDs (Sexually Transmitted Debt), was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

When it comes to cash, I’m an equal opportunity owner. I have $10 bills, $5 bills, $20 bills, and of course many many $1.00 bills.

But the one bill that I secretly admire more than any other, and also the one that gets the least respect, is the lonely $2. Not only has it been forgotten for the past handful of decades (yes, they still print them!), but some even think they’re fake and have literally gotten arrested for using them. #AlternativeFacts

So today’s goal for this post is quite simple: to get you to start using the $2.00 bill! I don’t care if you use it just once or a thousand times. I want these puppies circulating so fast that McDonald’s comes out with a $2.00 Item Menu! ;) The only rule is that you do it THIS WEEK – deal?

And no excuses like you may have had back in the mid-1900’s either…

• Oh I can’t use these because politicians used them to bribe votes!
• No honey, I was not with that prostitute charging $2.00/trick.
• Yes, I did go to the race tracks to gamble, but I swear – I did NOT place any standard $2 bets!

(And we wonder why they fell out of popularity)

So why do I care so much about these long lost bills? Because they bring SO MUCH JOY to people! The side effect of no one ever using them is that people get so intrigued by them, and in return get intrigued by YOU. A nice little side effect.

“How did this dude come across such an amazing specimen??” they wonder… And “why did they give it to *me* out of everyone in this world? I must be so special!”

And they’d be correct. They ARE special. Because you could have given them any ol’ bill like the thousands of schleps before you, but you didn’t. You gave them something memorable and something they haven’t ever/rarely seen before. And guess what? Now you become memorable to them too! Score!

Okay okay, I get it Jay. Where the hell do I get these $2.00 bills? And what are some ways I can avoid being such a schlep?

I’m glad you asked :)

First off, it’s easier for you to get your hands on these than it is for our president to get off Twitter. Just visit any local bank of yours and tell the nice person behind the window you’d like a stack of $2.00 bills please. Then bingo-bango, they’re all yours! (But don’t forget to pay for them first, or you’ll be trying to impress a whole other set of people for the next 20 years).

As for ways to use $2.00 bills? Try one of these proven methods:

(And while you’re waiting to offload them, keep one in your wallet for good luck!)

#1. Tip someone with it! Its value is literally only $2.00, but it gives off the impression of being worth much more. And if you cherish quicker/better service, this is one surefire way of accomplishing that too.

#2. Give one to that hottie you’re trying to woo. Having trouble with the ladies calling you back? I guarantee they won’t throw away your number written on a $2.00 bill ;) And if your skills really are that bad, hey – who knows who will get that bill next?

#3. Give it out as stocking stuffers/birthday gifts! No matter what people say, they do NOT hate getting $$$$ as gifts. Have you ever seen anyone give money back? Secondly, $2.00 bills aren’t like real money anyways as we’ve now come to know, so it doesn’t actually count. And since again people think they’re worth so much more than they are, you get to spend less and still come off as a hero!

#4. Give them to the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny to hand out. If it’s this easy to excite a grown adult with these, imagine how a kid would take it? :)

#5. “Accidentally” leave one on the floor of your office and see how many thieves work with you entertain yourself for a few minutes. Film it, and maybe you’ll get rich when it goes viral!

#6. Spend them on bribes, hookers, and gambling :)

Remember, this is a mission you cannot refuse, so feel free to use me as an excuse if you find yourself in a precarious spot. I much prefer letters of adoration though, so please – use your 2 (dollar) cents.

Once you’ve used a $2.00 bill this week, come back here and tell us what you did so we can all ooh and ahhh over it. And if you do end up pulling off a date outta this, I get dibs on naming your first child together! J. Dinero kinda has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

Two Dollar McDonald’s Menu here we come!!

[This post, Let’s Bring the $2.00 Bill Back!!, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]