Good morning, money nerds!

I recently came across an old quiz from a post called 20 Money Questions to Ask Your Significant Other. These 20 questions are designed to bring couples financially closer together by understanding each other’s past, present, and future thoughts around money.

It’s not just for new couples. Even though my wife and I have been together for 10+ years, we went through these questions recently and found some new and fun things about each other! Having the same financial mindset is important to us because we can achieve our goals faster as a team vs individually.

So if you’re up for the challenge, grab a bottle of wine one night this week and hit up your significant other with these questions.

(And just for fun, I’ve included my wife’s answers. Gives you more insight into my other better half, plus you’ve heard enough of my crap recently. )

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1. What’s your first money memory?

At the store one day when I was little I remember my older sister was asking mom to buy her new clothes. I was extremely nervous about my parents spending money, because growing up I believed that my family and I were on the verge of being homeless. (We weren’t at all!) I’m not sure if this was a cultural thing with my mom always penny pinching or just some weird kid stress.

2. Did you know how much your parents earned when you were a child?

Again, I thought that we were on the brink of homelessness growing up. I think I started to get the real picture in middle school when my dad brought home a big-screen TV one day. I rarely got new clothes or toys as kid, I always had hand-me-downs from my sister. So the fact that my dad could buy a brand new large TV had me thinking that we were doing better than just OK. I never knew my parents’ salary and was taught it was rude to ask people.

3. Did your family have a budget? How did you feel about it?

No, my family never had a budget. My mom just never spent any “careless” money. Any money that we did spend was seriously scrutinized. If I did want something like a toy or fancy outfit, my parents would tell me to ask for it for my birthday or Christmas. Probably about 50% of the time I would get it if it wasn’t too expensive.

4. Did you get an allowance as a child? What did you do with it?

No, I never got an allowance. I kind of wish that I had and was taught how to budget out what I needed. Instead I was taught just don’t spend any money — ever. And when you do … feel guilty. But, I was very fortunate. For example if I wanted to go to the movies as a kid with my friends, my parents would give me just enough to buy the ticket and I would be expected to give them back exact change.

5. Did your parents fight about money?

Definitely, my dad would want to spend a lot of money on random things like toys, boats, cars etc. and my mom would be against all of it; she didn’t want any luxurious items.

6. What money habits did your parents practice? How did you feel about those habits?

The basic money habits of my parents was mom saving all the money and dad spending all the money. Seemed normal to me… I guess I felt fine about it. Seems like a waste of energy now that I’m older, like wouldn’t it be easier just to get on the same page and not fight?

7. What drives your financial decisions?

Our budget. All our wants and needs are budgeted for. And our lifestyle. “Our” as in my husband and I. We are fortunate enough to make decisions based on what we want in our life, not just what we need. 

8. If you won $1 million today, what would you do with the money?

Probably put whatever we need towards reaching our FI number early then give the rest of it toward clearing our families’ mortgages and helping other people (family/friends/community) get to their FI-number faster.

9. What’s one money habit that you admire about me? (i.e. your significant other)

You taught me about investing. Before you, I was just a money saver… I would’ve been working for my entire life if I didn’t start investing.

10. If I (your significant other) lost $100 on something and didn’t tell you, would you be upset with me? How about $1,000?

Yes of course I’d be upset. We have a very open communication relationship so the fact that you wouldn’t tell me is the most hurtful. It doesn’t matter the money amount.

11. What scares you about money?

The stock market scares me. Mainly because it’s something that’s not tangible. I know it’s there, I know it’s growing, but I can’t physically see it. No matter how much my mind understands how it works, I always have a little bit of anxiety about is that money real? Where is it right now?

12. What do you wish you knew more about?

I would like to learn more about budgeting with children. That is a very personal area though, and most of my friends that I’ve asked have completely different views on how much children cost. For example, one of my friends said that it costs $40,000 a year to raise her child. Another of my friends (who lives on the same street) is raising three children on a teacher salary! Obviously people do it differently depending on their priorities and resources.

13. What would it take for you to feel happy about money?

I do feel happy about money already. It’s the tool that is making my way of life doable.

14. What does having money mean to you?

Having money means work/life balance. Working in a field of my choice, not for income.

15. What are you comfortable telling about your money? Any debts that are important to know?

I was extremely spoiled growing up. I had college paid for and family that supported whatever field I wanted to go into. No debt :)

16. What are you working towards? What dreams do you have (1 year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years)?

I consider my job now as part-time. I absolutely love this work load. I enjoy my work days, I also enjoy my days off. If I continue to like this, I will keep going for probably the next five years. After that, who knows? We might be FI by then. Possibly go back to school, possibly stay at the job I have. Or go travel! My 5 – 10 year dreams change consistently, I have a long bucket list.

17. What do you want to leave behind (for kids or others)?

The ability to have free education. Also, if we have kids I want them to have some travel experiences while we are a young family. Leaving money behind for them isn’t as important as teaching them life skills.

18. Do you expect to get any inheritance from your family?

Most likely. But I’d really rather them spend it all. 

19. What would you want to happen to your money if you died?

I’d like to donate most of it.

20. Do you expect to support your parents or other loved ones in the future?

Yes. But most likely not financially. I expect to have my parents live with me at some point. 

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Welp, there you have it. My wife is spoiled yet frugal, both a happy worker and freedom-focused, who wants to travel more and invite my in-laws to live with us one day. Lucky me?

Would love to hear some of your responses if you care to share …

Make it a great day,

Joel

[This post, 20 Money Questions for Your Partner + My Wife’s Answers, was first published by 5am Joel on Elite Edge Money]

Our Financial Confessionals are back! Here’s the latest from a guy who not only day trades, but day trades penny stocks

Not a post you’ll typically see on this blog since I’m a huge buy-and-hold/index guy, but as promised earlier in the year, I want to be better about sharing other perspectives and strategies out there… Plus, some of his “rules” here are actually pretty good no matter how you invest!

So please enjoy today, a note from a fellow reader of this blog, “Brandon”, who shares his experience with day trading as well as why he loves a newer investing app on the scene over Robinhood.

Links to previous Confessionals can be found at the bottom of this post…

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I’ve Been Day Trading For 3 Years

So, day trading initially was a rocky start, meeting every expectation that you’ll hear about them: DANGER DANGER DANGER! Hah.

When I first started I had a major loss, so I went back to do more research and build my knowledge of how people make money on these things. A few books later, and a golden set of rules that I continually abide by, I now average 1-2% gain on my portfolio each day I trade…

Biggest loss: 84% of original portfolio ($2,000) after becoming too attached to a company called MoviePass — Big lesson learned here was not to fall in love with these stocks!

Biggest gain: 231% on a company called AXSM -> after a drug trial achieved its primary endpoint towards FDA approval.

I specifically look for news items pre-market, and then have automatic alerts pushed to my phone from an application called Thinkorswim. These alerts will filter any news items or SEC filings for a watchlist I create. I begin by looking for stocks that are due for news or have had significant runs in the past, and then once I have that list set up, I’ll get an alert, check the chart to confirm volume is coming in, and then enter that stock…

My golden set of rules:

#1. I keep emotion out of it. You have to avoid becoming attached to a stock, or the idea of a stock based on its business model or possible FDA approvals etc. as I learned early on.

#2. I always have an exit strategy. This is where having a cash account that allows day-trading like with the Webull app is king. Using this strategy you can enter and exit a stock the same day without the risk of being marked a “pattern day trader” and having your account locked, or worse closed per the SEC rules. A lot of people starting out will buy a stock, and if they have a margin account (default for the Robinhood app) they may not have a day trade in order to exit that stock… So they’ll hold overnight possibly risking further loss or bad news being released the following morning.

#3. I set acceptable loss and gain goals. I aim to gain 5-7% on any entry to a stock, and  calculate the price it would have to reach in order to obtain those goals. Then I watch.. Once it hits that price I exit – no emotions, no “coulda shoulda”. When it hits, 5-7% gains I exit. This is in my personal opinion where a lot of people go wrong. They hope for that rocket that reaches 60-80% and hold just long enough for it to erase any gains at all… For acceptable losses, I usually mark this between 3-4% depending on the size of the position I enter. Once it hits that mark, I also exit. This is extremely important to avoid any huge losses because these stocks will drop FAST.

#4. I review trades each day. I’ve developed a habit of going back and looking at all the trades I made that day, and determining if there was something I could have done better in executing those trades… If there was a loss, was there something I didn’t see that I could look for in the future? Did I make a purchase too close to an earnings release? * ALWAYS RISKY WITH PENNY STOCKS * I then take those findings and incorporate them into my planning for future trades.

#5. I’m not afraid to take a day off. Just because you have money in an account ready to go to work for you, doesn’t mean you should make a trade… Like on days President Trump puts out a tweet regarding the trade war. Usually a good day to take off from the market, as even good news won’t respond normally!

#6. I never enter a position with more than 20% of my total portfolio value. You’ve heard the phrase “don’t put all your eggs in the same basket” right? The same goes with day trading. If you drop the basket, all your Benjamins get crushed, haha…

How I fund my portfolio: I take 20% of my after tax paycheck and divide it two ways: 10% into a standard savings account (2.2% interest w/ Ally Bank), and then 10% into my Webull portfolio funds. Half of that portfolio then gets divided into long-term positions, and the other half towards day trading and highly volatile stocks. So basically 5% of my after tax money goes into day trading, which accounts for 25% of my overall saving/investing.

Resources: I love to read, and I’ve read all of the suggested books you currently have up on Elite Edge Money… In addition, I went out and purchased “Penny Stocks for Dummies” which details all the negative and positive catalysts for a movement on these stocks. It also touches on fundamental analysis as well as technical analysis. In addition to that, I read “Candlestick Charting for dummies” which was a HUGE help getting my mind wrapped around which way a stock will go, if it’s reached its max on the current catalyst, or if its oversold and starting to uptrend.

However, the most beneficial resource I found was a Facebook group called “Penny Stocks w/ Webull & Robinhood for Beginners“. Typically these groups tend to be very toxic, however this particular group is run by a single admin who runs an alert service (similar to Mad Money Jim Cramer’s alerts) but the group is 100% supportive with a zero tolerance policy towards bullying, stock pumping, and referral link spamming. In this group anyone who asks a question is treated like a team member, and actively works to increase each other’s knowledge and strategies.

My Cash account strategy: I set myself up in order to enter no more than 5 positions in a single day. Therefore, I take my total portfolio value and divide that by 5 (# of trading days) that will give me the amount I am able to trade each day… I then divide that number by the number of day trades I wish to make, giving me the amount of cash I can use for each position. Of course I can tinker with it and allow 3 small entries and 2 large ones if I wanted for that day, but I keep it simple by just dividing by an even 5.

All together since I’ve started day trading again I’ve contributed about $5,000 and I’ve turned that into $12,560.

At the end of the day, if someone randomly came up to me and asked what I thought of trading penny stocks, I would tell them it’s not for everyone. However if you have a set of rules you follow and always continue to improve your process, there’s money to be made.

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EDITOR’S NOTE: None of this makes me personally want to go out and start day trading anytime soon (don’t even have the time for it if I wanted to! haha…), but I will say that if you re-look at those “rules” up there, they’re actually pretty applicable to *normal* investing too: knowing your limits, not putting in too much where you regret it later, reviewing past actions to improve future results, knowing the end game!, etc. So I will say out of all the day trading stories I’ve heard over my lifetime, this one is much more focused and strategic which I appreciate ;) So thanks for taking the time, Brandon!

Oh, and then here are his notes on why he switched to the Webull investing app after using Robinhood for two years and getting frustrated. I haven’t poked around it much myself yet, but it does look promising and can be used regardless of how you like to invest.

Pros to Webull:

• Commission free trading!
• Longer pre-market and after-hours trading (also free). Webull’s extended hours are 4:00am-9:30am and 4:00pm-8:00pm, compared to only 9:00am- 9:30am and 4:00pm-6:00pm w/ Robinhood.
• They have a paper trading system built right into the app for those still learning the way to trading
• They give you cash accounts! Cash accounts take a little bit of planning and dedication, but with them comes the ability to day-trade more than three times a day without being locked out
• They do awesome promotions. During Christmas season they offered a $100,000 give away split between those members who collect “cards” by participating in the app’s various features… which resulted in me getting a nice $78 contribution
• If you refer a friend they get a free stock for signing up, and after an initial deposit they get another free stock
• More advanced features than Robinhood like better technical analysis options, including Bid and Ask analysis, news and press releases as well as fundamental analysis.

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**There are no affiliate links to any of these apps or other items in the post, FYI, outside of the Amazon books. I’m just linking them here for quicker access for anyone interested in perusing further**

Previous confessionals told over the years:

• Financial Confessional: “I Became So Obsessed With Being Rich That I’m Now Sitting in Prison”
• Financial Confessional: “I Turned My Back on My Wealthy Parents to Live a Life of My Own.”
• Financial Confessional: “We Used to Blow Our Money on Motorcycles & Airplanes”
• Financial Confessional: “I’ve Spent over $40,000 on Amazon”
• Financial Confessional: “I Bought a Used Honda for $45,000”
• Financial Confessional: “I Used To Be An Escort”
• Financial Confessional: “I Used to *Hire* Escorts”
• Financial Confessional: “I Was a Check-Bouncing, Collector-Dodging Accountant!”

[Bull photo cred: Sam Valadi]

[This post, Financial Confessional: “I Day Trade Penny Stocks”, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

Remember that drinking game where every time you can’t answer “true” to the questions you have to take a shot?

And every time you look around you realize your friends are just as crazy as you are?

We’re gonna play this game today, only instead of alcohol we’re swapping in coffee (and instead of random sexual questions, we’re sticking to financial ones ;))

Close your door, make sure no one’s looking, and get that cup of hot Joe ready, baby!

Every time you can answer “Truth”, take a sip:

• Never have I ever…. gone into debt
• Never have I ever…. bought something without telling my spouse
• Never have I ever…. fudged the numbers of my budget to feel better
• Never have I ever…. bought something and then never returned it
• Never have I ever…. been jealous of my co-workers/neighbors
• Never have I ever…. made a horrible investment decision
• Never have I ever…. gone shopping while drunk
• Never have I ever…. brought my own snacks to the movies
• Never have I ever…. done something I wasn’t proud of for money
• Never have I ever…. not opened a bill because I was too afraid to see what was inside it
• Never have I ever…. lost my wallet
• Never have I ever…. lied on my resume
• Never have I ever…. secretly hid money
• Never have I ever…. blew my paycheck before I even got it
• Never have I ever…. skipped a lunch/dinner to save money
• Never have I ever…. not appreciated what I already have
• Never have I ever…. cheated on this blog and read another’s (DON’T YOU DRINK!!!)

You can’t see it, but almost every single one of you are now done with your coffee :)

(Myself very much included)

Moral of the story: NONE OF US ARE PERFECT! Laugh it off and keep going!

As long as you’re being more awesome than not, you’re good in my books.

[This post, Never Have I Ever… Played This Game With Finances!, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

Remember when that “CV of Failures” went viral last year? Where a Princeton professor (Johannes Haushofer) decided to share all his scholastic fails to better “balance the record and provide some perspective” around his successes?

I’ve always thought that was incredibly raw and beautiful. Not only for such great personal reflection, but then to throw it out there for the world to ingest too! Cojones!

Here’s a clip from it:

“Most of what I try fails, but these failures are often invisible, while the successes are visible. I have noticed that this sometimes gives others the impression that most things work out for me. As a result, they are more likely to attribute their own failures to themselves, rather than the fact that the world is stochastic, applications are crapshoots, and selection committees and referees have bad days. This CV of Failures is an attempt to balance the record and provide some perspective”

(You can download it here (PDF))

So so true… Most of what’s “known” out there are all things that people have chosen to place into the world consciously, while conveniently ignoring the not-so-great things. A very popular technique, and one that’s rampant on social media like Facebook and Instagram, and even here in our financial blogging community!

But shocker: we all fail. And typically the more successful you are, the harder you’ve fallen.

Check out this list of Elon Musk’s biggest fails! And it’s only a 10-year snapshot!

• 1995: Unsuccessfully applied for a job at Netscape*
• 1996: Ousted as CEO of his own company, Zip2.
• 1999: First Paypal product (which he co-founded) was voted one of the top 10 worst business ideas
• 1999: Crashed his brand new $1 million McLaren F1
• 2000: Ousted from Paypal while on his honeymoon
• 2000: Almost died from “cerebral malaria”
• 2006: Launched 1st rocket and it exploded
• 2007: Launched 2nd rocket and it exploded
• 2008: Launched 3rd rocket and it also had a critical failure
• 2008: Both Tesla and SpaceX on brink of bankruptcy

You can’t NOT fail. Especially if you’re going for greatness.

So today I thought we’d do some of our own “balancing of the perceptions”, and share our own epic fails so that others are reminded they’re not alone. Especially since we’ve done a crap ton of tooting our own horns here on this blog lately, haha….

I’ll go first, and then it’s your turn :) Though feel free to keep them to yourselves if you’d rather… Unless you’re a blogger, in which case you must accept my challenge and publicly share them too!

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J. Money’s Resume of Failures

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(I’m swapping in “Resume” for “CV” as I still don’t know the difference for the life of me, haha…  And I will also narrow them down to *financial* fails since that’s the focus of our blog here, but feel free to adapt it however you’d like for your own purposes and reflection.)

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DIRECT HITS
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• 2017: Commissioned a series of articles for $2,800 and then scrapped them
• 2016: Overpaid for my Lexus SUV because I rushed it
• 2016: Had to bring $14,000 to the table in order to get rid of our house
• 2013-2016: Lost over $90,000 in cash due to cash flow issues (!!!)
• 2013: Invested $6,000 into a friend’s company and lost it all
• 2012: Invested $10,000 in another friend’s company and lost $6,000 of it
• 2010-2013: Launched a number of websites that never panned out despite how clever I named them ;) (TakeOurStuff.com, BlogSexier.com, GiveawaysAreSexy.com)
• 1997-2010: Spent wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much on alcohol, eating out, $40 bottles of water, cell phones, pagers (remember those?), credit card bills, and a string of mindless shopping out of pure boredom because apparently I’d never heard of the term “side hustle” before…

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WORKS IN PROGRESS
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• Being stingy with my money
• Donating more money to charities
• Treating my businesses too much as hobbies than businesses (sometimes by design, others not)
• And the hardest of all to break – feeling like an imposter. Otherwise known as “Imposter Syndrome” (when you feel like a phony and/or not smart or capable enough, despite accomplishing a lot)

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Whew – that felt good! And I’m sure I’ve forgotten over half of them too!

But as you can see, no one can escape failure as much as they try. Because to try is to fail!  That is life! And an important thing to keep in mind as we trot alongside our neighbors in the new year…

(Fun Fact: did you know that even the Joneses can’t keep up with the Joneses?)

So if you’re feeling up for it, I encourage you to come up with your own Resume of Failures today, or later in the week, and then pass it along to whomever you think it could help.

I’ll leave you with one last clip that was the inspiration for our Princeton friend here in starting his viral CV… It comes from scientist Melanie Stefan, though again, easily adaptable in your own lives.

Log every unsuccessful application, refused grant proposal and rejected paper. Don’t dwell on it for hours, just keep a running, up-to-date tally… It will probably be utterly depressing at first sight. But it will remind you of the missing truths, some of the essential parts of what it means to be a scientist — and it might inspire a colleague to shake off a rejection and start again.

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*Apparently after being ignored he walked into the Netscape offices with his resume in hand, but was too shy and embarrassed to talk to anyone and walked back out!

UPDATE: You can read about some of my fails in more detail here in this older article I published: 8 Fails over 8 Years of Blogging… Totally forgot to include earlier, sorry!

[Pic up top not me (obvi), but I feel like we’d be good friends :)]

[This post, My Resume of Failures, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

[Welcome to a new post in our Financial Confession Series :) Up today, Christine Luken who went from financial mess to financial coach! Whip out your coffee and donuts this morning, and enjoy the story…]

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Four years after I graduated from college, I hit financial rock bottom – hard.

I owed three different payday lenders money. I received regular collection calls on my credit cards and car loan. And I was on the black-list at all the local grocery stores because I’d bounced at least one check at each.

What’s worse – I was an accountant! First for an interior decorator, then for my father’s business – a multi-million-dollar machine repair company. Talk about feeling like a hypocrite!

How does a smart girl who made the National Honor Society make such stupid mistakes with money? Because I made emotional decisions with my personal finances, not logical ones. I let my heart hijack my wallet. From the time I was nineteen, I dated and then eventually became engaged to a guy; we’ll call him “Jeff,” who handled his money irresponsibly. Unfortunately, many of his bad money habits rubbed off on me.

Here are three of my most horrifying money mistakes and the lessons you can learn from them.

Horrifying Money Mistake #1 – “Theft by Deception”

Because Jeff rarely had his fair share of the bill money, we were constantly in the red. On more than one occasion our refrigerator was bare and payday still several days off. My brilliant solution: write a check for groceries despite the lack of funds to cover the amount! (This was back in the late 90’s when there wasn’t the instant communication between banks like there is today.)

At one point, a check was actually returned twice by my bank for insufficient funds. Rather than try to collect the money directly from me, this particular grocery chain turned it over to an attorney which led to me going before a judge and admitting that yes, I owed them money. I then had to arrange a payment system with the court, which included fees on top of all that I owed.

If that wasn’t horrifying enough, several months later when I applied for the accounting job at my father’s company, I received a call from HR. Something came up when running my pre-hire background check: “theft by deception.” That’s the scary legal term for writing bad checks. Imagine how mortified I felt trying to explain this to the HR manager and my father!

Horrifying Money Mistake #2 – “We’re Coming For Your Car”

There’s nothing quite like a collection call to stir up a cocktail of terror, shame, and embarrassment. I distinctly remember the call from my local bank informing me that my car payment was two months past due. The man on the phone pressed me to commit to a payment.

“If I had the money, I would have already sent it!” I wailed.

“Well, just imagine how embarrassing it will be when your neighbors see the tow truck coming to get your car if we don’t have a payment by Friday,” he threatened back.

For the whole next month I hid my car while I scrambled to come up with the past due amount. I would park my car in another part of the apartment complex, backing it in just right so the license plate couldn’t be seen from the street. I then walked half a mile back to my apartment in high heels, praying the whole time that my car would still be there when it was time to go to work in the morning.

Horrifying Money Mistake #3 – “Payday Lender Roulette”

It’s never fun when the alternator goes out on your car or truck. It’s even less fun when you have zero dollars in the bank to fix it. Not only do you have a transportation issue, but you also have a money crisis on top of that.

Thankfully (not), when my alternator went out, I remembered the commercial I’d recently seen from the nice folks at “Check N Go” who gladly lent me the money I needed until payday. What the payday lenders don’t tell you is that borrowing from them starts a vicious cycle. Once you receive your pay check and have to hand it over to them, you still have bills to pay and need to borrow even more.

At one point I tapped out the max amount Check N Go would lend me, so I came up with a bright idea: borrow from one of the other payday lenders in my town! When my financial house of cards finally fell, I owed three different payday lenders money. I ended up closing my checking account, letting their checks bounce, and arranged to send each of them a certain amount every month.

To say that this destroyed my credit would be a vast understatement.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: See our post on facts about Payday Lenders – they’re horrible!]

Lessons Learned Through All This:

#1. Even smart people do dumb things with money when they are financially desperate. The lesson here is to insulate yourself from financial desperation by having two things: an emergency fund, and a spending plan (budget).

#2. Guard your financial reputation! Those bounced checks that resulted in my “theft by deception” charge could have cost me an important job opportunity. Many employers check credit as part of the pre-hire process, even if the job doesn’t involve money. Why? Credit reports are an accurate indicator of general responsibility! Employers also know that financially stressed employees are less productive and have higher absenteeism than their financially healthy colleagues.

#3. Money is emotional. Personal finance isn’t just about the numbers. Our mindset, emotions, and relationships affect our money behaviors. I made countless financial mistakes despite majoring in accounting. I allowed my heart to hijack my wallet. Shame and embarrassment kept me from seeking the help I so desperately needed.

When our finances are a disaster, there are usually non-financial factors contributing to the situation. We must address and correct those issues if we are to get and stay financially healthy. My money only improved when I broke off the engagement with Jeff and removed myself from that toxic relationship.

#4. Bonus Lesson: The people in your inner circle impact your financial well-being, either positively or negatively.

The Recovery To Financial Health

It wasn’t a fast or easy journey back to financial health. When I decided to end the relationship with Jeff, I had no money, almost $10,000 in debt, and ruined credit. I moved in with my dad and step mom for several months so I could regroup and save up for first month’s rent and a deposit for a place of my own.

The first thing my dad said to me was, “You need a plan to straighten out this mess!” He helped me create a budget and a plan to pay off my debt. I was so stressed out and emotional about my financial situation that I needed an objective person to help me sort out the details.

I remember looking at the department store credit card bill and seeing a charge on there for a gift Jeff had “bought” me for Valentine’s Day. (Seriously people, I cannot even make this stuff up!) When I realized I was now going to have to pay for it, I was livid. However, to my dad, it was just one bill in the stack that needed to paid.

I followed the plan, and slowly but surely my debt began to shrink and my savings balance grew. Seeing the incremental progress month after month motivated me to stick with it.

About a year later, I was driving to work and an amazing thought struck me: “I can’t remember the last time I worried about money?” It was such a shock to me because I used to have almost constant money anxiety. That’s when I realized there had to be other people out there who were just like I was, living under a heavy burden of money stress and worry. I decided then and there I would find a way to help them get on the road to financial health, too.

I’m happy to report that now, 17 years later, I have an awesome relationship with my money. When I started dating my husband, Nick, we talked openly and freely about personal finances. He’s always been very responsible with his money and he positively influenced me with his good habits. I went from $10,000 in the hole and nothing in savings to having a years’ worth of income saved up and a net worth in the high six figures.

We’re on pace to hit the million-dollar mark in five years or less!

All my horrifying money mistakes have a silver lining, because now my full-time profession is to help others avoid the same shame, pain, and embarrassment of financial desperation. As the Financial Lifeguard, I now teach people how to swim in the choppy waters of personal finance. I’ve even published a book about it – check it out! Money is Emotional: Prevent Your Heart from Hijacking Your Wallet

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Christine Luken is a Certified Financial Coach, speaker, and author.  She helps individuals, families, and entrepreneurs design a financial road map to help them arrive at their Preferred Financial Destination.  You can find Christine’s blogs, podcasts, webinars, and videos on her Financial Lifeguard website.

Like this series? Here are some other Financial Confessionals to peruse next:

• “I Used to Hire Escorts”
• “We Used to Blow Our Money on Motorcycles & Airplanes”
• “I Turned My Back on My Wealthy Parents to Live a Life of My Own.”
• “I’ve Spent over $40,000 on Amazon”
• “I Bought a Used Honda for $45,000”
• “I Became So Obsessed With Being Rich That I’m Now Sitting in Prison”

[This post, Financial Confessional: “I Was a Check-Bouncing, Collector-Dodging Accountant!”, was first published by Guest Author on Elite Edge Money]

[So here’s a surprise! Two posts on escorts within a month of each other, haha… Had a reader reach out though wanting to share *the other side* of the business (i.e. paying for escorts vs hustling as an escort), and I just couldn’t pass it up… So just like last time, if this stuff offends you go ahead and avert your eyes now! We’ve got tons of other juicy confessionals you can check out instead. Take it away, Mr. Anonymous Man!]

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After reading the post by Lance, “Financial Confessional: I Used to Be An Escort,” I felt compelled to share my point of view as a former client.

It was many years ago when I was in my thirties and unhappy in my marriage. I offer this only as background, and not as an excuse. I take full responsibility for my actions. While I believe men and women should have the freedom to do as they please with their bodies, my sin was lying about what I was doing. If you’re unhappy in your marriage, fix it or leave.

I came across an article by Marc Perkel that was the most influential piece for me. It gave many of the pros and cons for hiring an escort as well as practical advice on how to go about it (link very NSFW). Given the legality of such activities, I can’t share specific details of my hiring, but I can tell you about my personal experiences.

The Escort Industry is Huge

Like anything that’s in demand, someone, somewhere will supply it. Sex is no exception. There’s a reason this is called the oldest profession in the world. For as long as there have been people, there have been those willing to trade resources for sex.

In America, it is currently illegal and generally frowned upon, which only means it is going on behind the scenes. This also means a number of cottage industries have popped up to facilitate the transaction.

Nickie, mentioned in the previous post, chose to post via Backpage. You could find people there, but it was very dangerous and unpredictable. There are better sites where you have to be a member, where they will do a simple background check on you so that women will know if you are who you say you are. They also check that the women are who they say they are, and that their pictures and ads are accurate. The ladies will include pictures, measurements, physical descriptions and a menu of what they are willing to do.

There are review sites that allow men to give whatever details they feel are necessary. As you would expect, many are explicit and some can be a bit rude, but by-in-large, they keep it clean and respectful. If you want to be a part of the community, you have to play by the rules.

The Escort Community is Also Huge

Once you get in, you’ll start to see many of the same players. All have a chosen online name and can be found discussing “the hobby” on message boards. There’s advice for newbies, discussions of who is good to see, what areas have been targeted by law enforcement, which guys have become real d*ck heads and need to be excluded, etc. Like other activities it has its own special terms, so many of the discussions were about definitions. There are even in-person socials if you get in deep enough!

A number of clients and providers meet up at prearranged venues to buy drinks and meet providers face to face. It’s a lot like a sales convention with vendors putting out their best items looking for buyers. There are rules of course like no real names, be respectful, etc.

How Much Have I Spent on Escorts?

Most review and ad sites let you know up front around how much you’ll spend.  Many times, the girls will run specials trying to build up clientele. I learned early on as a novice, do NOT haggle. For most, this is their profession and they know their worth.

During my time, I never paid more than $200 for an hour.  I made appointments about every three months, and this went on for about four years. All totaled I probably spent about $3,200.

I kept this quiet by having a separate bank account where part of my check was direct deposited and I could get to the cash. Appointments were usually in the middle of the day as part of a long lunch. I did have my one and only threesome with a regular and a girl she invited. It was $400 total for the time.

At one of the socials, I met a guy who had over 500 “OKs” from girls. Which meant he had been with at least that many, but probably more. This is over several years, but doing the math, he spent over $100,000 on this “hobby”! I have to assume the guy was single since I find it hard to imagine hiding that amount of money.

Why Did I Do It?

Chances are, you know someone who has paid for sex. I’m a pretty unassuming person. Typical day job as an accountant. If you saw me, you wouldn’t think I had hired someone to have sex. When I was dating, I didn’t have any trouble getting dates or relationships.

But as I mentioned, I was not happy in my marriage. I was deeply depressed, but was raised to believe you stayed married no matter what. This was a way for me to get the intimacy I desired without having to give up the marriage. You’re just exchanging resources. You need human touch, she needs some money. I was able to meet some amazing women that provided a service that came with none of the drawbacks like emotional entanglements. No crazy calls in the middle of the night or showing up at your job. They are professionals and act that way.

It’s an important distinction that you are not actually paying for sex since that’s illegal; you’re paying for her time. She can, at her discretion, decide nothing is going to happen.

My experience was a little different than what Nickie described. I mostly did in-calls (her place), and would make the appointments online and get a general area to meet at. Once there, I had to make a call to get the actual location. When I got inside, I was usually greeted warmly with a hug or light kiss. I was allowed to peak around a bit, just to make me feel safe that we were, in fact, alone.

Money wasn’t ever discussed, and I never actually put it in her hand. If, like Nickie, she brought it up, I would have turned and walked out the door. I was also never “upsold” and was never offered drugs. I brought my own water and I left my valuables in the car. It’s by far more dangerous for them, even with all the precautions, but as a client you still need to be alert.

I was very selective in who I met with, which is the whole point of an escort. My guess is Nickie’s loss of clientele may have been not from competition, but her lack of professionalism.

Independent Business People

Human trafficking is very real and prostitution is an obvious avenue for exploiting people. The fact that giving a person money for sex is illegal is a large part of that. If the industry was legal and somewhat regulated, I feel like women would generally be safer since it is difficult to go to the cops if you are assaulted doing something “illegal”.

All the women I knew were doing it as a choice, and from what I could tell, mostly enjoyed it. They set their own schedules, used services to screen out most of the wackos, had a separate location for business, and were usually prompt and courteous. Some are busy enough to even hire personal assistants to help with screening and making appointments. They had families and lives outside of their work that they kept separate. Her time working was just another day at the office.

They always had back-up too. Any smart girl makes sure she has a partner that knows she’s meeting with someone and has signals for when things go sideways. Given the intimacy of the transaction, it’s easy to see why some would get emotional. If she’s good, you’ll forget this is just a transaction. Some guys do and will mistakenly cross the line.

I admit I got close to a couple of regulars myself. I even exchanged real names with them and had long conversations about my wife. They made me feel exceptional, but of course that was their job. We were not in love. We were not even friends. We were close business associates. I even considered offering my services as an accountant to help them out. Being in a cash based, less than legal profession, many just don’t know what to do. They collect the cash, pay their expenses and spend the rest.

It’s important to note that the IRS mostly does not care where your money comes from.

The thing is, this is not very different than a cam girl, selling her time over the internet. You have something the other person is willing to pay for. Audits are fairly rare for the typical taxpayer since they don’t have the personnel to pursue small money.  They’ll spend their time with people who deposit hundreds of thousands of dollars. They didn’t get Al Capone on any criminal charges, they got him on tax evasion. It is easier than ever to keep your cash safe in an online bank. The rules are the same for all entrepreneurs: collect your money, maintain good records of your expenses, and get a good CPA.

If for some reason you’d like a deeper discussion about the mechanics of running an independent sex worker business, I found the following article that spells it out along with links to even more detailed information: You’re A Sex Worker — How Do You Pay Your Taxes?

Final thoughts

I stopped using escort services years ago. I dated and eventually remarried. I get all I need out of my relationship now, but there are times I miss the thrill of meeting a new girl.

The pros of using escorts is that you could reasonably expect to be having sex that day, and you generally knew who you were meeting. You’re both at your very best, most polished, self, and you don’t have to worry about any emotional entanglements. The cons were the need to sneak around, the financial and emotional costs, and of course it’s a poor substitute for meaningful relationships.

All things considered, I think prostitution should be legal and can be fun if done properly.

 – Anonymous

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Missed the original article? Check it out here: Financial Confessional: I Used To Be An Escort

Here’s a list of previous confessionals we’ve done as well, if you’re all escorted out by now ;)

• “We Used to Blow Our Money on Motorcycles & Airplanes”
• “I Turned My Back on My Wealthy Parents to Live a Life of My Own.”
• “I’ve Spent over $40,000 on Amazon”
• “I Bought a Used Honda for $45,000”
• “I Became So Obsessed With Being Rich That I’m Now Sitting in Prison”

[This post, Financial Confessional: I Used to *Hire* Escorts, was first published by Guest Author on Elite Edge Money]

[Okay guys, this is a juicy one! Obviously not going to be for everyone, so if you’re already hating this and/or offended, please avert your eyes now and wait for our normal posts come Monday! There’s nothing graphic here, but of course it’s a post on having sex for money and will most definitely turn people off :) If you’re curious about other lifestyles though, and ever wondered how people end up down paths like these as well as how much they get paid (!), then keep reading as it’ll def. accomplish that.

As told by my friend Lance who volunteers his time working at local prisons. You might remember him from the first confessional we did on that guy who became a millionaire embezzling money from his company, only to eventually get caught in the end as well. Once again proving time and again how powerful money can be, for the better or the worse!]

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My life radically changed one and a half years ago while a sophomore in college.

I was studying to get a communications degree in marketing and sales, but to be honest I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do yet in life. I grew up in Riverside, California and moved to Colorado to go to school. Little did I know that one night and one conversation would change so much of my life.

I stopped working for $11 an hour at the school book store and started “working” for hundreds of dollars an hour… as an escort.

How It All Started

My friends and I would meet up at my house just off campus each Friday night after class. We would hang out and have dinner and then go out to dance and play. On occasion we would run into another group of girls and hang out together. They were a lot of fun and we all became friends. I noticed time and time again that one of the girls always had a new outfit and handbag.

I sat down next to her on the couch and joked around with her one night and said, “I want to go shopping with you sometime!”

She replied to me, “Let’s do it, I go every single week!”

“Your credit card bill must be insane!”

“No credit cards, no daddy, just cash,” she told me and off she went back to dance leaving me to wonder how she had so much money as a college student.

At the end of the night, as we headed home, I tried to catch up to her and asked her where she worked and she said, “All over the place.”

She smiled and got into the car with her friends. A little later that night she texted me and said to come by her place Sunday afternoon.

I showed up to her house and her roommates said that they thought she was still asleep. I went upstairs to her room and knocked on her door and actually woke her up. It was 3 p.m.

She sat up in bed and said that she had been working all night long and got home just after breakfast.

“So you work nights?” I asked.

She crawled out of bed and went over to her laptop and told me to come over.

“I made $2,100 last night,” she said.

She then pulled up a website and there she was in multiple selfies posing in lingerie and showing off her body and long blonde hair. She called herself Nickie in her ad and said that she was ready to help guys release the stress from their lives and could discretely make their worries disappear, or something to that manner. It said to call or text her, but no free pictures and no dirty talk.

She said she was strictly an escort and charged $200 for a half-hour or $300 for an hour for her “companionship.”

I was shocked.

“You’re a prostitute?” I remember questioning loudly.

“I’m an escort and I met up with three guys last night. Two businessmen in town at their hotels, and then stayed overnight with one of my regulars at his vacation home,” Nickie said. “I get $,1500 for staying overnight.”

She walked over to her drawer and opened it up and pulled out a pile of cash.

“That’s just last night; we should go and buy something.”

We went to Nordstrom (always my weakness) and she picked up a new Michael Kors hand bag.

Never In My Dreams

I left Nickie after we grabbed a bite to eat, and just sat there on my bed not being able to get our conversation out of my head. I remember thinking about all the money she had and how easy it seemed for her, but most of all how it didn’t seem to bother her at all. She made more in a night than I did part-time in months. I had bombarded her with questions while shopping and at dinner.

“How did you get into this?”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Aren’t you grossed out by the old guys?”

“Aren’t you scared when you show up?”

“Aren’t you afraid of picking up an STD?”

“Are you afraid of getting arrested?”

“How much money have you made?”

Nickie said that she had all the same questions as well. It was a former roommate of hers that introduced her to it when she was invited to go along as a second woman on a “date.”

She said that she had met up with dozens of men and even a few couples. She said at this point she had many regulars that she saw once a week or once a month. Most of them were businessmen who would text her during the day and ask if they could meet up on their way home from work. On occasion it was just a lonely guy who had no chance at bars. A quick rendezvous and she had a couple hundred bucks. Nickie figured she had made over six-figures the last two years.

Making the Jump

I didn’t get into it right away. My biggest concern was about who would be on the other side of the door. I didn’t want to go out one night and never be heard of ever again.

Nickie said that it was ultimately up to me who I would meet with and I could be independent or work with an agency.  She was independent, but got called all the time by agencies and pimps trying to get her to work for them. They promised her more money and a driver to take her around to clients while protecting her. She decided to go it alone after talking to others.

Nickie only met up with guys 40 and older. She said young guys are largely punks (and they are) whereas there are a lot of older guys who just need some company who are divorced or guys that just want a break from their life. She also said that there are tons of guys that travel into town for conventions and work that look for a quick hook-up while they are away from home.

After a couple more conversations with her I finally decided to give it a shot. I wanted to make thousands of dollars just like her.

My First Ad

I took so many pictures and spent so much time writing my first ad. I love taking pictures of myself, but it is awkward to take pictures half naked and then post them online. What if my mom saw it or my little brother? Even more awkward was trying to figure out a price of what your body is worth. I called myself Monica.

I got a burner phone and set up a message like Nickie had recommended “Hi boys, I’ve been waiting for your call, I’m excited to see you soon. Keep calling.” You can’t go and meet with clients and have your phone buzzing and ringing all night so I just tell them to keep calling and I can answer in between visits.

I quickly found out that guys don’t read the ads as much as they look at pictures. I changed my hair color to blonde because Nickie said that blondes generally can charge more money and they are in more demand. I put the same price as Nickie for my time with $200 for a half-hour and $300 for an hour. I also upsell them as well once I’m in the room with them, especially young guys.

I got arrested during a sting about seven months into it at a hotel because I got sloppy and didn’t verify a guy who said he was just in town on business. But stings don’t happen too often because police simply don’t have the time and resources to keep up. It’s just a class B misdemeanor for prostitution and a $1,000 fine, but when you make twice that on a Friday or Saturday night it’s not enough to stop the business.

The Tricks of the Trade

You can’t just call and show up and drop your pants. For some girls there is a two-step verification process to protect ourselves from psychos. We give you an address to show up to, and then once you arrive we give you the real address.

I prefer to only verify guys online or from references from other girls they have been with. Some guys freak out that we want their real name and where they work or even their LinkedIn profile, but we have to watch out for ourselves.

When you show up to our place that is called an “in” call. I used to do that for a while when I got my own apartment, but got tired of changing out the sheets four or five times a day and showering four or five times a day and doing my hair and makeup over and over again. I wasn’t making as much money working that way.

I found I made more money with less clients on “out” calls, which meant going to hotels where I could get bigger money and bigger tips or gifts from my regular clients. Business guys just had more money, and often wanted to spend less time together. They had no drama and didn’t cling to me, just sex and back out the door.

Some guys did request for me to show up to their house and I never like walking down the hall past the family pictures or seeing the happy couple’s pictures staring back at me right next to the bed, but it’s the man’s decision to cheat and not mine and I am not picky over money. It’s all cash in my hand at the end of the night.

My First Time

My first client was a divorced man in his 50’s. He was a lot older than anyone I had ever been with before. He called just an hour or so after I posted my first ad on BackPage.com (which has recently been shut down – like other national escort ads places), but there are plenty of other local sites to advertise, plus most of my business comes from regulars after a few months, so I didn’t need to always advertise. Some girls run their own escort web sites.

He called me and said he was in town on business for a few days and wanted me to come to his hotel downtown. He gave me some times to see what worked for me and I verified who he was online and I got ready and headed downtown. My heart pounded so hard after the phone call. Was I really going to go through with this? I nearly passed out from anxiety as I headed up the elevator. I walked down the hallway and stood in front of the door. I just stood there and couldn’t bring myself to knock on the door. Finally “Jim” opened the door without me knocking.

He was a quiet, balding man who looked older than my dad. He invited me in and I asked him where the money was at (Nickie always said to ask right away and if you didn’t see it to walk out). He pointed over by the TV and I went to count the money and there was $300 in twenties. I placed it in my bag and asked Jim to go get in the shower and to brush his teeth. That’s all I share about my first time or any other time other than most older guys are really hairy and kind of gross, but like Nickie mentioned they are more polite and respectful than younger guys. I can deal with a fatter bald guy than a total a-hole with rock hard abs. Like Nickie, I don’t meet with anyone younger than 40 anymore.

The Money

The money is amazing. It has to be for putting yourself through the mental and physical anguish a couple nights a week. I’ve never had so much money so fast. If it was harder to get, I would have quit a long time ago. I spent it just as fast I brought it in the first few months. I was in the mall a few times a week picking up anything I wanted. I splurged going on vacations and ski trips. I felt like I could do anything I wanted and that I deserved it because of what I had to go through to get it.

On occasion some men would ask for me to stay the weekend with them for a ski trip or work convention, and I would stay at the hotel and they would pay for spa and massages and I could order room service while they were off in their meetings. Sometimes they would leave cash to go shopping as well.

I charged thousands of dollars for a weekend getaway. Sometimes it was actually fun to go out of town and be treated well and come away with so much money. Sometimes it was boring as hell getting stuck with someone with no personality and pretending to like them for a few days, but the money made it tolerable. I dreaded going to dinner for their work parties because a barely 20 year old girl with an old guy makes people assume I was being paid to be there. And even though I was, I still didn’t like being dressed down by the other women.

The A-Holes

On occasion some men treat you like $hit. I’m not here to say that being an escort is an amazing job and everything goes great because it doesn’t. I know others who have been physically assaulted and come home with bruises everywhere. I’ve been lucky for the most part. But on occasion there are a-holes who think because they pay you they can do whatever they want to you and threaten to call the police if you don’t do what they want. I don’t have many bad experiences, but have been abused a few times, more emotionally and verbally than physically.

There are nights I have come back home wondering what I am doing and saying I’m never going to do it again. I didn’t want to do this forever and lately I find there are a lot more girls getting into the business which has created a lot of competition, at least in my area. Younger, taller and bigger boobs are tough to compete with. I’ve lost a few of my regulars who want to try someone new, and I’ve lost out on some other big money that used to come in each month too. The better the economy the more money there is to be made, especially in big cities, and the more folks are jumping in the escort business.

Tons of Fake Pictures Online / Girls That Rob

The interesting thing about the business of escorting is that most of the girls online are total fakes. If you see a super-hot girl in Denver, chances are that her pictures also show up on sites in Vegas, Austin, Oklahoma City, Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas and more.

Girls post hot pictures and often times someone else shows up. Bait and switch happens all the time, or the pictures are a few years old when they were 15-20 pounds lighter.

I mentioned upselling as well. Be aware that girls will come in and drop our clothes, and then tell you if you want more than a nice look you’re going to have to pay extra. We’re sales people, and if you want more then you have to pay for it.

Also be aware that you shouldn’t have any other cash lying around or a wallet in the open, because when you are told to get in the shower, that girl might just go through your room and clean it out and be out the door before you know it. I’ve had several guys tell me stories of them being ripped off. I don’t feel sorry for them, but it is what it is, we all take our chances with strangers.

I was flirty and pretended to like all the guys, but the sex is rarely good and I’ve had guys ask me to run away with them and tell me they are in love. Really? You don’t love me, you love my body, how can you love when you are likely cheating? I play along because I just care about your cash and not you. I am using you as well. Most of you are out of shape, old and not overly attractive, and yes you have money but besides that our relationship when you think about it is just ugly.

All in all I have over $35,000 saved in the bank. While I splurged the first few months, I started to get smart and save so I wouldn’t have to do this all through school. I liked the money, I liked the lifestyle when pampered, but it had to end at some point. I lose out on time with friends because the best nights for money are the weekends. I’d like to think I could have a normal relationship someday as well.

The Rest of the Story

“Monica” is currently out of the business and out of school, having just been released from prison (again) for prostitution, and this time cocaine distribution as well. (This is where I met her, since my wife and I work as volunteers in the prison system).

One client, who Monica wouldn’t get into details about, invited her to do cocaine with him. She had never done major drugs, and after more visits with this same client started offering cocaine to other clients as an upsell option. She was caught during a sting operation with police, and picked up her second misdemeanor charge of prostitution and a 2nd degree felony distribution charge for the cocaine. She was fined $3,500 and faced up to one-year in prison, but was released after 60 days.

Shortly upon her release, Monica moved into a house with two other women. After entering the house they were confronted by eight men, several of which pulled out guns and said they were taking them to Arizona “to work for them.” One of the women texted a friend and police arrived a few minutes later.

The men attempted to run away, and one of them fired off a shot as he ran out the door. The bullet missed everyone, but lodged into the drywall about a foot away from Monica.

She immediately went back to her place, packed up her things, and drove home to her parents where she is hoping to start her life completely over.

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Lance is a former blogger who loves to talk about money, but hates running a blog. Every now and then he shoots me an article he thinks we’d like, and more often than not we publish it here :) Lance can be found on Twitter @Lance_Finance.

Past confessionals from our series:

• “I Bought a Used Honda for $45,000”
• “We Used to Blow Our Money on Motorcycles & Airplanes”
• “I Turned My Back on My Wealthy Parents to Live a Life of My Own.”
• “I Became So Obsessed With Being Rich That I’m Now Sitting in Prison”
• “I’ve Spent over $40,000 on Amazon”

[This post, Financial Confessional: I Used To Be An Escort, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

[Really excited to bring you this guest post by Carl of 1500Days.com today. It’s such a breath of fresh air when all you hear from $$$ experts these days is to save save save and hold off on the fun fun fun! And while this post is technically about a car today, try reading it with your own dream swapped in as it’s about the car, but also not about the car. And yet again is another perk to financial freedom – you get a free pass to do whatever the hell you please! ;)]

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Cars are a controversial topic in the personal finance community.

Most of us drive modest vehicles, but not all of us. J$ himself bought a Lexus. It’s used, but it’s still a Lexus. Nine months in, he’s happy with his decision. And if you think a Lexus is bad, I topped J$ in a big way.

Confession: I just bought that car you see at the top of the post. It’s a 1991 Acura NSX, an exotic Japanese sports car. It looks expensive, and it was. How can I reconcile this purchase with a frugal life? Should I even bother?

First, the facts:

• Purchase price: $45,000 (more than every car I’ve ever owned combined)
• Our annual budget: ~$40,000 (mortgage, food, insurance and everything else)
• Number of cars in our household: 3
• Number of cars we actually need: 1 (I’m retired and Mrs. 1500 works mostly from home)
• Horsepower: 270 (about 170 more than I need)
• Holding costs: Surprisingly low. The insurance is under $400 per year and I’ll work on it myself. Plus, Acura is a subsidiary of Honda, so it will be reliable.
• Number of times I’ve been pulled over by the police in my first month of ownership: 1

Ridiculous, right? Give me a chance to explain before you whip me with a radiator hose.

The Backstory

I was always a car geek. I was the kid with posters of cars plastered all over my walls. I worshipped the Ferrari Testarossa, Lamborghini Countach and the Porsche 959. Then, the perfect car came along and it was the Acura NSX. It performed like the fancy cars, but was built by Honda, so it was reliable and wouldn’t break the bank to maintain.

I grew up in a lower middle-class household and didn’t have high expectations for myself, so I never thought I’d own this thing. I dismissed it, but never stopped thinking about it.

About 15 years ago Mrs. 1500 was at a thrift shop and spotted this book:

She knew I liked the NSX, so she picked it up for $5. I thought:

Great! I’ll never have the car, but I can enjoy this book for a while.

And then we started working really, really hard. We flipped multiple homes. We saved and saved some more. When we decided we would pursue early retirement, we downsized our home and upsized our savings rate.

All the while, I’d think about NSX occasionally. Sometimes, I’d spot one on the road. Other times, I’d see that coffee table book in my bookcase or stumble across an article about them. I hoped that the urge to own one would die away.

But it never did.

It also didn’t help that a local friend is an NSX fanatic and invites me to NSX parties at his house.

The Purchase

My NSX friend alerted me to a really nice model all the way in Wisconsin (I live in Colorado). I had a friend there that I wanted to visit, so I caught a flight. I couldn’t pull the trigger on the purchase though. Instead of driving it back home, I jumped on a plane and flew back.

I told myself that if the car didn’t sell in a week, I’d reconsider. The car didn’t sell. At the same time, two other NSXs with the same price and similar miles did sell, almost immediately after being listed. Why did the one in Wisconsin sit? I suspect that it came down to location. A car like this is going to be much more difficult to sell in rural mid-America than in a rich, coastal city where the other two were.

Reconciling with Frugality?

We’re a frugal family and I’m tight with the wallet. I recently had this conversation with my wife on the way to a friend’s house:

• Me: We forgot to return the library book again.
• Mrs. 1500: Darn!
• Me: This is costing us $.10 per day. Grrrrrr!

And the frugality doesn’t stop there:

• House: I bought a $176,000 dump and fixed it up mostly with my own two hands
• Food: We go out to eat once or twice a month. Hamburger Helper is tasty and I’m not above Taco Bell either.
• Energy: I get angry at the wife and kids when they crank the heat or don’t turn off the lights

So, how do I justify a toy that set me back $45,000? I’ve done a lot of thinking and the conclusion I’ve come to is this:

If there’s a lesson here though, it is this:

I’m financially independent which recently freed me from my job. I would never have bought this car if it meant there was a chance I’d have to go back to work. Financial freedom (and really, life freedom) is 1,000,000x better than owning this car.

But, if you’re like me and have silly desires for silly toys, my advice is this: Go for it. But again, only once you’re financially independent and the purchase won’t change that.

An Experiment in Happiness

Deep down, the NSX is an experiment in happiness:

• Will driving the NSX set my heart on fire, or will maintaining it burn up my bank account?
• Will changing the oil and washing it give me fulfillment, or will vulgar words pour from my mouth when I can’t get the lug nut loose?
• Will I enjoy talking to other car enthusiasts, or will the curious people who accost me at gas stations get annoying?
• Will I enjoy taking turns at speed on the mountain roads, or will representatives from the local law enforcement community haul me off?

At the end of the day it comes down to this:

Will this hunk of aluminum and steel bring me happiness?

I have no idea, but I’m about to find out.

******
Carl blogs over at 1500Days.com – a blog all about financial freedom, frugality, and living the good life. You can also find him on Twitter @Retirein1500 or on Facebook.

Liked this? Check out our past financial confessionals:

• “I’ve Spent over $40,000 on Amazon”
• “We Used to Blow Our Money on Motorcycles & Airplanes”
• “I Turned My Back on My Wealthy Parents to Live a Life of My Own.”
• “I Became So Obsessed With Being Rich That I’m Now Sitting in Prison”

[This post, Financial Confession: I Bought a Used Honda for $45,000, was first published by J. Money on Elite Edge Money]

[Our Financial Confession series continues! Up today, Mrs. BITA from BayalisIsTheAnswer.com who shares something I guarantee 99 % of us can relate to – being an Amazon shopaholic ;) When you’re done reading this, see if you can muster enough courage to check out *your* Amazon grand totals too! We might all be pretty surprised…]

*******

I’m going to give you a peek into our murky financial past. Fair warning: this isn’t going to be pretty. The more frugal among you are likely to faint or throw up, or run screaming from the horror of it all. Maybe even all three simultaneously.

Why am I delving into our financial closet and yanking out an ugly skeleton for you to gawk at?

I know that there are readers out there who are where I was not so long ago. When they read personal finance blogs replete with astronomical savings rates, oh-so-tiresomely-sensible investments, and amazing acts of frugality, perhaps they leave feeling disheartened instead of inspired.

I hope that if people see we’re not unlike them, warts and all, they will come around to the belief that redemption is indeed a possibility.

If You Own Amazon Stock, Thank Me

I recently decided to sell some of my toddler’s baby stuff on Craigslist. When I was making the Craigslist posting, I looked up my Amazon order history to find how much I had paid for the thing that I was trying to sell. This horrifying detail caught my eye:

177 orders!  I then asked Amazon for a detailed order report for the year. Apparently I have a masochistic streak that I was not previously aware of. I clicked on the report, expecting the worst.

It did not disappoint.

In 2014, the report announced cheerfully that I had felt the need to acquire 427 items from them. That comes to an average of about 36 purchases a month.

I had acquired more new things than there are days in the year!

What the everloving f*$k was I thinking?

I felt compelled to uncover the full horror of this situation. I asked Amazon to then create a report of every item that I had purchased from September 2008 (when I first set foot in this country) to August 2016 (which was when I decided to get my $hit together and aim for financial independence).

In this time frame I ordered a whopping 1,427 items from good old Amazon. Since we all love numbers, let’s break that down. That works out to:

• 178 items a year OR
• about 15 items a month OR
• about 1 item every two days

The cost of my wanton debauchery? $40,981.60

Actually no, $40,981.60 doesn’t even begin to cover it. The true cost?

• The money tree that I could have grown using a $41,000 acorn (for the curious: $108,785 in 20 years at 5% compounded annually)
• The amount of freedom frittered away (how much earlier could I have gained financial independence? How many extra hours do I have to now stay chained to my cubicle?)
• The environmental cost of acquiring so many things whose ultimate destiny will now be a landfill somewhere
• The cost of shame and regret

The Cost of Shame and Regret

I have always known that until last year I spent with gleeful abandon. Knowing that in the abstract is a teensy bit different from actually looking at the cold, hard, unforgiving numbers.

I feel ashamed. I feel regret. I feel somewhat diminished.

Do these feelings stem from the fact that I blew nearly $41,000? That is certainly a factor, but it isn’t just about that number, a whopper though it is.

The feelings stem from the fact that all those numbers are clearly at odds with the person that I thought I was. I have always, from the time that I migrated to this country, mocked the blatant consumerism that blankets this land. I thought myself superior somehow.

I was not one of the mindless mob who were suckered into always wanting, wanting and wanting more.

I was better than that.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I have visited a mall, so I deluded myself into thinking that I wasn’t, maw agape, consuming as fast as I possibly could.

I have always perceived myself to be someone not attached to material goods, as someone who values experiences above all else.

And yet, somehow, 1427 very material things crept into my life over a period of eight years.

You know what might be the saddest part of this story? I have no idea what most of those 1427 things are, or even where they might be. So not only did I waste the money, I didn’t even procure anything of lasting value. I could look at the detailed spreadsheet Amazon has been so kind as to share with me, but I rather think I won’t. I am all out of both the will to self-flagellate and the desire to wallow in self pity.

I would rather spend my time and energy thinking about the why.

Why was I procuring this mountain of items? Was this my go-to mindless hobby when I had nothing else to do after a hard day of work? Was there a void in my life, an absence of a larger purpose that I attempted to fill with 1427 amazing artifacts from Amazon? Was this my way of distracting myself, magpie-like, from the fact that my life was ticking by and I was creating nothing of worth?

It could have been any of these reasons. Maybe it was all of them.

Where Are We Now?

So far in 2017 we’ve only had 13 orders. 4 of which placed by my parents when they were visiting, and which they paid for themselves. The remaining 9 orders are mine and total a princely $255.23. Barring one, everything on the list is a consumable – exciting stuff like dog food, toilet paper, soap, shampoo, diapers, tea and toothpaste. The barring one is a gift for my mother, a case for her cell phone.

We’ve set ourselves big savings goals in order to be able to retire while we are still relatively young, and hopefully in possession of all our teeth. In 2017, for instance, we plan to save the substantial sum of $160,000. As I recently observed in my financial report for Mar 2017, at the end of Q1 2017, we are more than halfway there.

I wish that this was a story of the strength of my character and of my gumption. I wish I could say that I recognized my flaws, and then by sheer force of willpower I turned my life around.

But what actually happened was this:

• I discovered the twin ideas of financial independence and early retirement
• I convinced myself that unlike unicorns that fart rainbows, this was not a fantasy
• I decided that I wanted those things more than I wanted anything else.
• I sold the idea to my husband and we made a plan.
• I then decided to start writing about my journey to financial independence.

In other words, I found a purpose. I found something that was deeply interesting to me, and I poured myself into it.

Putting an end to my mindless spending was merely a side-effect of finding purpose.

One trash day my husband came back into the house and cheerfully observed that he no longer had to spend the better part of an hour trying to solve the knapsack problem with the recycling bin and boxes from Amazon. In fact, wonder of wonders, the recycling container had room to spare! My response to this revelation? ‘Oh. Huh.’

I had affected a turnaround in the way that I was living my life and I didn’t even notice – it was that effortless.

Parting Wisdom…

I don’t pretend to have the answers, but I would like to say this:

Be kind to yourself.

Even the most immense amounts of stupidity are not necessarily permanent, nor fatal.

Don’t get into the mud pit and wrestle with your demons. That is the hard way. Be smart. Choose the easy way. Find yourself some angels to waltz with instead, and let your demons leave the dance of their own accord, bored out of their evil little minds.

Do your best to find purpose and joy in something. Everything else will fall into place.

*******
Mrs. BITA immigrated to the U.S. at the ripe old age of 30 and is on track to retire early at the age of 42.  She is the founder (and grand poobah, dictator, janitor, sole author) of bayalisistheanswer.com, where she blogs about financial independence, retiring early, financial how-tos and finding a purpose.

Enjoyed this? Here are our last three financial confessionals:

• “We Used to Blow Our Money on Motorcycles & Airplanes”
• “I Turned My Back on My Wealthy Parents to Live a Life of My Own.”
• “I Became So Obsessed With Being Rich That I’m Now Sitting in Prison”

[This post, Financial Confessional: “I’ve Spent over $40,000 on Amazon”, was first published by Guest Author on Elite Edge Money]

[Welcome to another Financial Confessional! This time Amnesty stops by from Primal-Prosperity.com to share how drastically different her old life of buying toys compares to her recently found freedom. While I doubt all of us have bought planes or home music studios, I’m pretty sure we can all relate at some level ;) A good thing to think about as we head into the weekend!]

To the outside world it appeared we had everything.  My ex-husband and I were were bringing home a combined $200k (mostly that he made) and boy did we have our toys…

• his and hers motorcycles (plus a third for off-roading)
• airplanes (yes, real ones and yes, plural!)
• a room full of musical equipment (so that I could have my “garage” band)
• and more cars than drivers — including buying and selling a car almost every single year

We were having a lot of fun, but spending almost everything we made. We had no extra savings or an “oh $hit” fund, and it was starting to take a toll on our relationship.

It hadn’t always been that way though.

I was raised to be very financially responsible and started maxing out my IRA and employer matched 401(k) since my first corporate paycheck out of engineering school. I always had a couple of thousand dollars in my checking account. My now ex-husband on the other hand, who was 31 when we met (I was 25), had never participated in a retirement fund. He told me once that he didn’t want to save too much of his money, “because he wanted to enjoy it.” It took awhile, but I finally got him signed up for his employer 401(k).

Even though we continued to put money away for retirement, we barely saved anything else. Work was inconsistent for me in the area where we lived, so I no longer had the option of a 401(k). I even switched from contributing to a Roth IRA to a traditional IRA just so that I could get some of the tax money back to have on hand. One year I didn’t even have any funds to put into an IRA at all.

At first I tried to be the reasonable one and suggest that we don’t buy every last toy. But, well, you know how that goes over in a marriage when you’re not financially compatible. And since I wasn’t the main bread winner and couldn’t control how anyone wants to spend their money, I decided to get in on the action and surrender and just have fun.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right? :)

Here’s where all our money went…

Let’s start with the airplanes.

Our first plane was actually pretty reasonable. It was a Cessna 150 that was selling for only $10,000. We went half in with another couple that ran an airplane maintenance shop which was an added benefit. It was the perfect little trainer for me to take lessons and solo around in. However, it seemed to always have maintenance needs so we never really took it too far and especially overnight. And being a 2-seater, we couldn’t take up other people with us either.

I know… first world problems.

So we got out of our half of the C150 and then bought a Stinson with another partner. It was a 4-seater, we affectionately called “the station wagon”. This was more in the $30,000 range, but still not too bad as we had a partner.

As an aside, I want to mention that many people are surprised to find out that a small, older airplane can be bought for the price of a car. But I remind them that it is the maintenance and upkeep that will always be the worst part from both a time and financial perspective. Hanger/tie-down fees, insurance and maintenance can easily add up to $500 or more per month, for just a small airplane. And that doesn’t even include gas!

As the saying goes… “If it flies, floats or f*cks, it’s cheaper to rent!” Although, you can ignore the last ‘F’ with the right partner and financial compatibility :)

After awhile, we just really didn’t want partners anymore, so we sold this airplane and then went back to a two seater and got a Cessna 140, by ourselves. This plane was in great condition, and with no partners, we were actually able to use it to fly on multi-day trips.

This cost us in the upper $30,000 range, so we did what any good little consumer would do – we took the money from our HELOC! We had bought our house during the boom years where housing prices doubled in a very short amount of time so we had some good equity. And, really, what good is the money just sitting there if we can’t access it?

(As all you readers know, that is not the way to use HELOC money.)

Onto the motorcycles

While my husband had always rode motorcycles, I got tired of being on the back of one. So, I bought my neighbor’s Enduro bike for cheap, at less than $2,000. It was a blast to ride, but it really didn’t go much over 45 mph, so I couldn’t use it to commute to work because I took roads that were 55 mph posted.

So, we kept that for off-roading, and then I bought a used Kawasaki Ninja 250 for a little less than $3,000. Still fairly affordable, and I LOVED that bike. I’m 5’2”, so it felt very comfortable. Even my bigger guy friends loved taking it out because it was so much fun to ride.

But then, my ego got to me and I wanted to move up into the big boy bikes. My husband had just made a recent upgrade, so I felt it was only fair for me to upgrade too. I started looking around and fell in love with a Honda 599 that was a flat black finish. While it was technically a sport bike, it sat more upright and was a ‘naked’ bike, so the Harley crowd didn’t turn their nose up at me… too much.

Out the door, it was $8,000. We were making good money though, so why not treat myself? I had been able to sell the 250 for almost the same price I bought it at, so that was something! And of course, since I went from a red bike to a black bike, I had to get all new gear to match. That was easily an extra $1,000 spent without batting an eye.

But as cute as I must have looked on that bike, with my matching gear and all, the thing was a monster for me. I knew it didn’t quite fit before I bought it, but I was told that I could have the seat cushion shaved down and re-upholstered and have the bike lowered – just to get to the point where I could barely put both toes on the ground at the same time. Sure, just about another extra grand… why not, sold!

Even after the modifications my body size to bike size still made me feel like I didn’t have quite enough control. I missed my little 250 terribly, and I didn’t ride the new 599 nearly as much as my old 250. When I finally did sell the 599, only several months later, I was able to get about $5,000 or so for it, and I was stuck with the $1k in gear since there aren’t many 5’2” female riders where I lived.

That was an expensive lesson. Did I mention that I never actually test rode the bike before I bought it either? I didn’t want to until it got lowered – another dumb lesson learned.

The music room

I love all kinds of music and have played multiple instruments throughout my life. So while we were buying airplanes and motorcycles, why not go for music equipment too? That was just a drop in the bucket as far as costs go.

So I went all in and bought drums (both an electric set and an acoustic set), then a weighted full size keyboard, guitar, amplifiers, bass, you see where this is going…

I wanted my music room so that I could play with my “band,”and the costs certainly added up. Probably to the tune (pun intended) of more than a couple thousand dollars. We never did make it as a real band, but a friend did let me play with his onstage occasionally. and at least my neighbors loved listening to us… Until one of them had a baby, haha.

Other splurges

In addition to all the toys we bought, we also went on a few spending sprees… Top of the line appliances, even though most of the current ones worked just fine, $2,000 for a dining room table, even though we hardly even entertained that much, it was crazy. Though I’ll take the sole blame for these decisions.

We also each had a car, but we still bought extra ones that cost a few grand, just for fun, even though they spent a lot of time in the mechanic’s shop. And, I insisted on expensive vacations. Let’s not forget the thousands of dollars I spent on flight training for both powered airplanes and gliders over the years too!

At one point, I even got an extra apartment to rent so that I didn’t have to commute to a new job I took. I hated long commutes, so I got a tiny studio so that I can live closer while my ex was traveling a lot for work. Only it never really felt like home, so I rarely spent any time there and would just drive back to my real home every day instead.

More money wasted thinking it would bring me happiness.

My husband still wanted and dreamed of more

All the purchases above were things we actually bought. But my husband still wanted more and more, while I was starting to want less and less as time went on.

He wanted a boat.

When I asked why he wanted one so much, he said because all his friends had one. In fact, that is the BEST reason to NOT get a boat! Why? Because people with boats love to have guests go out with them!! We always brought food and drinks for everyone, paid for gas, etc….

But, my husband still felt like a free-loader and insisted that we should have our own. We both loved to sail and we rented boats often, but that was still not enough. He wanted to ‘own’ one. Boats are a blast, but the thought of cleaning, maintaining, trailering, etc was just too much. Remember the rule of the three ‘F’s?

Luckily we never did get the boat.

I left the relationship and started fresh

When I finally ended the relationship, at 32, I needed to purge. I wanted to start fresh, so I packed up my paid off car with only what would fit in it and left everything to him.

Yes, everything.

We had an easy split of finances. We both kept our own retirement funds, I took my car and he took all the loan payments including the HELOC and all the toys. All I asked for was half the equity in the house, which he paid me over time.

I walked away from this situation fairly unscathed financially, but it was the luck of the real estate market that saved me in the end; not my own choices.

I was still far behind the curve ball when it came to saving and investing too. Even when I was on my own and making a great salary, I still had the habit of buying more than I really needed, and saving less than I was capable of accomplishing.

Sometimes habits take a while to break.

But I did gain some pretty valuable lessons, and over the next few years, in my 30’s, I started to become much more financially savvy. Through simple living, a high savings rate and real estate investing, I was able to achieve “financial flexibility” in just a few short years.

Now I live in a 320SF condotel with my current husband and I don’t even own a car. We have several rental properties with 4 owned outright, including the unit we live in. Life is good. I still continue to have first world problems, but like most people, we just need to change our mindset and realize how very fortunate many of us really are.

I’ve since learned that non-essential stuff actually makes me less happy. I don’t want to own things anymore that weigh me down and keep me trapped and location dependent, and I really don’t want to be stuck in the corporate world seeking a steady paycheck. I no longer want emotional attachment to “stuff.”

As the commercial says “if you’re going to own something, own the experience.” No maintenance costs on that!

Do I regret any of this?

Not. One. Bit.

Would I have been financially independent by now had I just saved more money and focused on a steady income? Absolutely. But while I’d never recommend that people spend with reckless abandon, I believe in living a life with no regrets. And I can’t deny that I had a blast!

I learned to be assertive, take risks, face my fears and get out of my comfort zone. These are things that money can’t buy.

One thing I will never forget is that my second glider solo flight was on September 10th, 2001. I was on a high that day, and then at a very low the next morning. It is an important lesson to remember how quickly things can change in life.

Now at 43, these are the things that I really don’t have a desire to spend a lot of time and money on. So I’m glad I got it out of my system when I did.

I also met some really amazing people, and surprisingly, I got a lot of “free” experiences out of this lifestyle too. When you hang around a small airport, you get to know people. So I got to get free rides in all sorts of cool airplanes including private jets, open cock-pit bi-planes, experimental aircraft, trikes, and on…

I got some free flight instruction, and I got to experience maneuvering (and crashing!) a hang glider that was winch-towed. I even posed as a ‘runway model’ – quite literally – for an informational poster!

[I had my bathing suit on underneath!]

All said, however, I’ve also learned that a life with minimal stuff and low spending can also be very adventurous. While I still enjoy adventures, I find that getting outside of my intellectual and emotional comfort zones can be just as fulfilling and exhilarating as physical ones.

Now I strive to seek a life of freedom, and not just financial freedom. I want freedom from location dependence; freedom from defining myself by “what I do”; freedom to give back generously; freedom to think slow; freedom to experience vulnerability; freedom to love unconditionally; and most importantly of all, freedom to know I have enough.

Thanks for letting me share!

********
Amnesty blogs at Primal-Prosperity.com, where she describes herself as “FIRE’d up, wild and free”. She has developed a workshop program called The Real World M.B.A.: Creating a Life of Meaning, Balance and Abundance which focuses on a multitude of topics like sustainable real estate investing, decluttering, location independence, and the art of setting D.U.M.B. goals. Say Hi!

Like these confessionals? Check out the previous ones we’ve shared:

• “I Turned My Back on My Wealthy Parents to Live a Life of My Own”
• “I Became So Obsessed With Being Rich That I’m Now Sitting in Prison”

[This post, Financial Confessional: “We Used to Blow Our Money on Motorcycles & Airplanes”, was first published by Guest Author on Elite Edge Money]