Comments on: “So, I’m hiding something from my husband….”

By: J. Money

J. Money — Thu, 23 Apr 2020 11:11:02 +0000

In reply to Debted cochina. So glad to hear!!! It's a tough enough problem on its own, no less mixed with Covid! So i'm glad y'all are moving forward and most importantly staying healthy!! :)

By: Debted cochina

Debted cochina — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 23:57:17 +0000

Update! So it’s been a little over a month and we’re good. For about 4 days he barely spoke to me, and I did my best to stress to him my bad credit card won’t affect him in any way (since it’s only in my name and started before we were married, it only affects me from what I understand), and that I would figure out how to make it right. He also realized and understood why I kept it from him and said he’d be more approachable for money things from here on. One thing I didn’t add was when I posted this we were in our first days of shelter in place orders for our state and we have two young boys at home too. So my sons had to see some of the awkwardness, though I did my best to keep what/why from them. I think after a few days of him thinking about everything (especially since he is definitely not without credit sin himself in the past), that for now we would put it behind us and figure out how to deal with all of this after the virus crap is done.
Thank you for this forum and giving me an open place to say my side. Helped me more than you know!

By: J. Money

J. Money — Thu, 19 Mar 2020 11:40:38 +0000

In reply to Debted cochina. Hope it only brings you two closer in the end!! Racking up debt due to job loss is a lot different than random "wants", but either way the hidden stuff always comes out at some point :( Will you keep us updated over time and let us know how it all worked out? Sending you positive vibes over there!!

By: Debted cochina

Debted cochina — Thu, 19 Mar 2020 04:15:57 +0000

I know this is a super old thread but wanted to comment anyways. I am this woman. But instead of 18k it’s more like 20k . It’s from a credit card I started before we were married and I always payed it online. There was a period of time he was out of work and I had to rack it up to cover bills minus what he was getting from disability. Then he went aback and we were good for a long time. I had it halfway paid off even. Then I was laid off from my job a year and a half ago and have since been unable to replace it and now the cards maxed out. The bills, mortgage, and everything except his loans and credit cards are in my name so ive always dealt with the majority of finances. Well, this morning I had to come clean about the debt thanks to debt consolidation letters in the mail and he is beyond angry (rightfully so). I hope we can move past all this though. I don’t ever want to go through something like this again.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 20:19:56 +0000

In reply to Debters spouse.

That sucks, I’m so sorry :(

I can’t even imagine going through it so not sure what I’d do! Is it affecting all other areas of your life too? If it’s making everything miserable and I’m falling out of love with my partner I’m sure I’d be thinking about all options. Especially if they’ve promised to change over and over again and still hasn’t. I wish you nothing but support and clarity over there!

By: Debters spouse

Debters spouse — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 17:14:17 +0000

Would u stay if happens again n again n bigger n bigger. 7 years down n now thinking of an exit from the marriage.
Of course he says it wont happen again

By: J. Money

J. Money — Tue, 26 Nov 2013 18:33:38 +0000

In reply to Sassy Mamaw.

Wowww, congrats on getting on top of those and almost KILLING them all!!! That’s huge!!! $75k is no joke at all – good for you :) I’m glad there was a happy ending here.

By: Dear Debt

Dear Debt — Sun, 24 Nov 2013 01:56:13 +0000

Yikes. Couples need to know what is going on! You can’t have one person taking care of all of it, man or woman. I feel so sad for both of them. I am a terrible liar, so I wouldn’t do well in this situation. She needs to let this one out asap and resolve it before baby comes! And come up with a plan, stat.

By: Michelle @fitisthenewpoor

Michelle @fitisthenewpoor — Sat, 23 Nov 2013 15:41:24 +0000

In reply to C The Writer. I am on the same page. It's her debt unless she used his income or credit score to obtain that debt. While we have no idea what the situation is, I think that this is her time to get real and figure out her own way of paying it off without burdening her husband.

By: Sassy Mamaw

Sassy Mamaw — Sat, 23 Nov 2013 13:54:16 +0000

I’ve been in this type of situation. I knew my hub wasn’t very good with money when we got married. I thought I was being smart to insist on separate accounts, and I even swapped credit reports. About three years later, they announced furloughs at our place of work. He came to me and said he couldn’t pay his bills. I tend to be pretty practical, so I wasn’t surprised, until I sat down with him and asked for all the bills. He was paying a lot of them online, so I didn’t see them in the mail. He thought he had them all, and then a month later a couple more showed up. He had a total of nearly $75,000 in credit card debt. I tried to set up an account at a Consumer Credit Counseling place. They replied that we didn’t have enough income to make the payments we would owe. We talked to a lawyer about bankruptcy. But in the end, we were able to negotiate with the credit card companies on our own, and I also took a loan against my 401k. So, keeping the money separate wasn’t so smart after all. It’s been nearly 5 years, and we have 90% of it paid off. It’s a process, but we are getting there. BTW, I handle the finances now.

With the amount of debt the people in your story have I would recommend Consumer Credit Counseling. The wife could contact them and get information before she even talks to her husband about it. One small thing in the wife’s defense. Sometimes, the other partner doesn’t care about finances – at all – really. I know a few people like that. They know they should care, but they just don’t.