Comments on: My Life (And Finances) After Escaping a Cult

By: J. Money

J. Money — Tue, 07 Nov 2017 20:37:17 +0000

In reply to msphoebe. Thanks for laying all this out here for both Ava and future readers. This is such a foreign world to me and still shocked at how this can exist in the world! So thank you for continuing to shed the light and help others!

By: msphoebe

msphoebe — Fri, 03 Nov 2017 19:01:14 +0000

I would also add for Ava that her goal of helping her siblings still in the cult and eventually creating a foundation is a great one. I know many people that would support that vision. But I would caution her to put herself first and really think about what’s best for herself before trying to help anyone else. I learned the hard way with trying to help my own siblings and even from the nonprofit work that I do now, that it can be very dangerous to always put others first without considering your own needs. I supported my siblings financially for years but in the end it barely made any difference. Some of the help I gave probably did more damage then good. As painful as it is to realize, people have to want to rescue themselves. You really can’t save anyone, they have to do the work for themselves.

By: msphoebe

msphoebe — Fri, 03 Nov 2017 18:41:24 +0000

I’m actually really sad to hear this. I rarely come into contact with anyone who went through what we did who ended up so well. Most of the girls I know from the Family that have left all work in the adult entertainment industry probably because we’re so used to surviving in eroticized environments as kids.

Maybe Ava will see this so I’ll leave this here. I would tell anyone who grew up in the Family and left to check out http://archive.movingon.org/. There are over 5000 ex COG/Family members on this site. It helped me cope and find other survivors to talk to after I left. Be aware that not everyone on the site will be in a particularly good spot. A lot of people are still struggling to get by outside the group and some relationships can drag you down if you’re not careful.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Thu, 02 Nov 2017 10:46:45 +0000

In reply to msphoebe. I wish I could! My emails to her bounced back when I tried reaching out to see if she's okay :( Hopefully she is!

By: msphoebe

msphoebe — Thu, 02 Nov 2017 01:42:19 +0000

In reply to J. Money. Could you please put me in touch with Ava? Her site doesn't work and I don't have any contact information. I volunteer with an abused women's shelter in florida and the east coast that I think she'd be a huge help to given her background and education. I'd love to have her speak at one of our dinners.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 01 Nov 2017 16:59:28 +0000

In reply to msphoebe.

I am so so sorry to hear all of this :( I really don’t know what to say except that I sincerely hope that the rest of your life – and your siblings – are incredibly happy going forward… I just don’t know how this world allows such horrible stuff to happen.

By: msphoebe

msphoebe — Wed, 01 Nov 2017 16:31:12 +0000

Our stories are very very similar. I also grew up in the Family and lived outside the US for most of my life. The first time I was sexually assaulted, I must have been no older than 5. I remember someone complained that I started crying, and my mom explaining that I had to keep quiet and smile for the next time it happened. I was raped several times a week, almost every week after I turned 12 up until 17. I didn’t think of it as rape, I felt guilty for flirting with older men and blamed myself every time it happened. I actually believed that every assault was my fault and was Jesus punishing me for something. I left the cult at 17 after our visas expired in the country we lived in. My whole family had to return to the states for 6 months. It was there that my grandparents were able to get me out of the cult, get deprogrammed and into school.

My childhood is still extremely traumatic to talk about. I still lie about how I grew up and tell most people a fake story of how we lived. I don’t talk to either of my parents anymore. The rest of my family has since left the cult. But not everyone has been as lucky as I have. 3 of my sisters became strippers, and still are to this day. They are all in abusive relationships. One of my brothers died in a motorcycle accident almost 10 years ago, and the other is an alcoholic.

By: ZJ Thorne

ZJ Thorne — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 03:56:35 +0000

Solidarity! The fundamentalist church I was raised in had many similarities to your cult. I had night-terrors every night until I was 21. I’ve only recently begun to feel safe in limited scenarios. I’m ever-vigilant. But, like you, I was able to access education and get myself 1000s of miles away from my abusers. I’m glad you had a sister who could help you. I’m glad you got out and are looking for ways to help others behind you.

By: Financial Samurai

Financial Samurai — Sun, 27 Aug 2017 21:11:47 +0000

In reply to Hannah.

Thanks for the heads up! Ohhh this is gonna be JUICY READING!!!

Both my wife and I work from home/retired, so we have a lot of time. I think it would be fun to relearn everything again we forgot. But maybe not so much after several years!

Sa,

By: Ava

Ava — Tue, 22 Aug 2017 02:40:46 +0000

Thank you so much!

Yes, my sister is a pretty amazing person. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to pay her back for all she did!

I wish the $160 was more like $16, but so true about learning the hard way. If I do retire early, one thing’s for sure – I’ll be able to point back to the decision to take on all that debt as the main reason why. Dealing with the uncertainty around how I would pay it all off was what got me so interested in becoming financially independent.

That’s awesome that you’re thinking about how you’ll have more time to help others when you retire. Couldn’t agree more that time is an incredible resource to offer someone else! Most of the time, I think it makes a much bigger difference than just throwing money at a problem, although money is important too.

Congrats on being able to retire in just a few years – so exciting! :o)