Your “father” is not disabled, it is a mooch. Mom needs to kick the leech to the curb.

1. A joint account for bills, groceries, gas, mutual entertainment & dining out, and our paychecks.

2. Separate “allowance” accounts. We each get $100 every time we get paid ($200/month each) to spend whatever we want on whatever we want, no questions asked. It has been a blessing to do it that way.

3. A joint emergency fund, but separate other savings accounts. It’s important our emergency fund is accessible to both of us in case one of us is in a bad position. But then we each have our own separate savings. My husband typically spends the money in his savings account when his allowance account is low and he wants to buy something. I typically let my allowance account and savings account accumulate until I really want something, aside from the usual iTunes purchases and the ocassional lunch out. I also use my savings account to buy gifts for our parents or friends.

4. A separate Christmas savings account. I keep our Christmas money separate from him, because I don’t want him tempting us to spend it, whether for new tires on his Caddie or on a video game console (he used our Christmas savings to buy a Wii two years ago… I was not happy). If it’s away from him and our joint checking account, it won’t get used.

5. Joint “misc” account. This account is set up for us to “budget” for upcoming expenses, like new tires, oil changes, vet visits, car insurance, or recently, my cavities that had to be filled. I like to keep it separate from the emergency fund so it deceases temptation to dip into the E-Fund. I transfer money from our joint checking to this fund about twice month, depending on what upcoming expenses we have awaiting us.

I know it sounds like we have a lot of accounts, but keeping things in separate accounts really helps me budget, save, and see where our money is going. On my iPhone, I use an app to track the spending in our joint account and I like to tell my husband how we’re doing, as far as how much we’ve spent on groceries this month or eating out or gas. He enjoys seeing the numbers and it keeps it in persepective for him because he’s very hands-off when it comes to our finances. “Sorry honey, we can’t go out to eat this weekend, we’ve already spent $200 on eating out this month,” then showing him the pie chart in the app really helps!

Here’s what works for us: We have three checking accounts, his, mine, and ours. Our paychecks get deposited into our individual accounts. Then we each put a set amount each month into our joint account (a percent based on our salary, so for us it’s 60/40). All bills are paid out of there (mortgage, utilities, student loans, phones, etc). That way, all of our bills are automated and there is always enough money. In your situation, you would also want to have savings (for retirement or your emergency fund or a travel fund) pulled out of there. Since you have credit card debt, you two will need to make a payment plan and put that money into the joint account to be automatically paid too.

Your husband can then spend what’s left in his account – but only with a debit card or cash (no credit cards!) As a spender, he needs to reign that in. (I speak from experience here! Cash only has helped me immensely). This year, we’re doing the Great Debt Snowball of 2012 and paying off $25,000 in debt this year. It’s not easy, but our relationship and our finances will be so much better for it.

Thanks so much for posting my question on your blog! I loved seeing that we’re not the only ones going through the whole figuring out finances as a married couple thing. :) I think my favorite comment was about having budget meetings naked haha.

I would be super resentful if someone told me what I could and couldn’t do with my own money.