Comments on: Secret Savings, Accounts, and Debt – Oh My!

By: J. Money

J. Money — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:05:38 +0000

Oh my wow… I think my heart would stop if I came across something like that! He is so lucky to have you, geez… Good for you for just diving in and looking at all in the eye once and for all. I can’t even imagine never opening up a bill no matter how big or small I think it would be, so you’re definitely right – not something I’d ever considered! And probably something others do as well realistically.

Man… you’ve got my brain working over here!

By: Alice @ Earning My Two Cents

Alice @ Earning My Two Cents — Thu, 22 Oct 2015 20:46:38 +0000

I’m pretty late to this conversation as I just found the email about this post buried in my email. A year into our marriage we moved and while packing I found a grocery bag full of unopened bills addressed to my husband from the past few years, including one for $5k from having emergency surgery without insurance. I was pissed, mostly because it was something we were both unaware of, not as much because he was hiding. He had no idea how much those bills were for. He had a habit of not opening bills because he knew he didn’t have the money to pay it so he just avoided it. So I knew that he owed money, but neither of us knew how much. I put all those bills into a spreadsheet and tallied them up, which blew us away. It has taken several years since that to get to the good communication place where we are now and a lot of it has come from growing as people and trying to communicate better, being honest with ourselves and with each other, and confronting our debts and issues rather than avoiding them. So I think that sometimes that secret debt IS because they don’t know how much they owe and its not as much keeping a secret from their spouse as just trying to ignore the problem.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 16:21:56 +0000

In reply to catherine.

Agreed – keep it where it is and just keep on filling ‘er up! Gotta run with whatever’s working :)

By: catherine

catherine — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 01:19:37 +0000

So I don’t have a secret account per se but I started our emergency fund in a separate bank account (and at a separate institution from our daily banking). My husband initially didn;t know about it, now he does but has no idea how much is in it at any given point. I did it initially to protect us. We’d save $$ and find ways to bleed it unnecessarily…now that I know we can hold onto it until absolutely necessary I could move it but it’s fine where it’s at.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 18:18:13 +0000

In reply to mel. Interesting... A lot of you bring up some VERY good counterpoints here that I obviously didn't consider :) Appreciate the perspective!

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 18:14:59 +0000

In reply to ko. Oh man... I think it's time to pop a beer/wine and start putting it out there. Though of course easy for me to say without knowing you/them/etc :) I wonder how much relief would be felt afterwards though? Would that be better than the secret(s)?

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 18:12:33 +0000

In reply to Michelle. BOOM!

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 18:12:06 +0000

In reply to Lisa O. Yikes... I'm with Lisa. And if you especially let her know that you're *actively working on killing it all* it would certainly help your cause, I have to believe.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 18:10:44 +0000

In reply to Debbi.

HAH! That is awesome, Debbi! Smart man too putting it all out there and knowing his limitations… Even closing out the bank accounts for that matter – you never hear about that these days, pretty extreme! And rightfully so.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Wed, 01 Jul 2015 18:08:58 +0000

In reply to Vicki.

Nice find! That’s more than I’ve picked up on walks for a whole year – hah.

Appreciate the other perspective here too. I def. made this a black and white type thing when it seems like it’s most def. not! So big thanks to you and Debbie M above for sharing some other (super valid!) reasons for hiding stuff on purpose… I with it weren’t the case though, it’s incredibly saddening!