I’m stunned at the multiple levels of discrimination out there. Is this reality or overthinking?

Personally as a ‘Muslim’in the UK, I rarely get any discrimination. I believe that being comfortable with who you are and not giving a damn what others think allows one to move on with life.

Of course I don’t know your full story but I sense a ton of worry and attachment.

Please let some of these ideas go or work them out.

I say this from experience. I’m not gay but over a decade ago I decided what was best for me. Moving out of a community that didn’t serve me, plus choosing who I wanted to date rather than being dictated to has changed my mindset and life.

I don’t know if sharing that will help.

I hope you are feeling better now, life is too short to be attached to so much concern.

Sending you love brother.

I’m so glad you came back to update us, my man. You def. seem much more at peace with yourself! It’s a wonderful thing! :)

It’s been more than a year, but I’ve been around, reading.
I finally came back to reply. It thrills me to read your words and to know you were fascinated by the story. Things indeed got better and I must agree with you: the first email where I structured what were my real concerns allowed me to reflect about them, and, with J.’s help and now all of yours, come to terms with it.
The world is not perfect and will never be, but knowing how to appreciate what we have makes a huge difference in our feelings.
Thank you, Mike and J.

You’re right, J. Great insight with the risk.
It reminded me about insurance. After this post was made, I started thinking that maybe I should just get insurance for the things I feel insecure about and give me some peace of mind, as I’ve listened in the podcast that Paula Pant (J. Money’s co-host) has a couple of interesting ones.
But yes, worrying too much is counter-productive.
Like J. Money mentioned. The first email I sent was much more for me. And it was a relief to write down my concerns. Verbalizing the issues helped me.
And even more with your solutions =)
So thank you for sharing your work strategies to serve as a parallel/comparison to my concerns.

And things indeed got better =)
I just shared an update on JJNL’s reply.
It thrills me that you found this post awesome and took the time to reply with encouraging words!

Jacq, thank you so much for your words.
You’re right. I must not let myself believe that “It’s too late for me to succeed at anything”.
Thank you for sharing your example, for your kind words of encouragement and I am definitely remaining in the community here! =)

Thank you so much for your reply, JJNL.
And you yoo J., for letting her know I had read her comment at that time.
When I read it, I was overwhelmed and couldn’t fully “understand” your recommendations.

It’s been more than a year, and I feel much calmer. And yes, I agree with you totally =)
I am in one of the best places in the world to be what I am. I perceive that Portugal has the lowest indexes of Islamophobia in Europe, and, is also much more LGBT+ tolerant than many countries. Although it’s not perfect, the glass is half full, not half empty. I shall not take for granted the privileges I have, that so many have been dying for.

I guess I was lacking the “Fuck You attitude” you mentioned. I was overcome by fear and stress. Stress can be good in small doses, it can motivate, rush some adrenaline up. But it was becoming chronic. Too much fear and stress is destructive (as is anything else that is not in moderation). To some extent I guess I never admitted to myself, but I was also feeling very lonely. Feeling lonely and depressed made me more fragile, naturally. Because of that, my fears got louder. And they were directly connected to a fear of rejection, which would increase my feeling of loneliness. It was a loop.

I don’t know what happened, but I’ve been feeling much better in the last 14 months. This post here contributed!
My boyfriend broke up with me around the time the post was made and that was a really tough period, but I managed to go through it because other great things happened.
I finished the anti-depressive medication treatment, started doing much more sports, the jobs I have remained stable and I managed to finish a big class in university (or is it called subject?) that was really bothering me. Right now, I only have my thesis to go.

Also, my family relationships and my friendships were suddenly nicer, criticizing me less (my friends and family can be very critical), or my mind was calmer. I don’t know what it was, but I realized that the people who love you the most can sometimes give you the worst advice, even if they have good intentions. Those toxic advices reduced (or I was the one who started filtering them more).
I also started going out with new (nice) people and realized that I was also lacking physical affection.
I kept listening to J Money and Paula Pant (and listening to you guys makes me feel so good). So I suppose that all these things combined made me feel better, even though my fears and problems are still there.

As for your suggestions to surround myself with people like me, and after reading what I wrote in that email for J., I realized I wasn’t clear about one thing: I don’t really have faith in the Islamic religion or any religion for that matter. I consider myself agnostic, as in, I don’t think any religion is entirely right, I don’t think any religion is entirely wrong, but I don’t really care or think about it that much.
When I say I’m Muslim, I mean I’m culturally Muslim: Arabic name, 100% Muslim family, South Asian physical aspect (if I let my beard grow, all my friends and family members say I look like a Taliban), etc. And I decided to let me beard grow because I dislike trimming it regularly (and because I got more compliments from guys lol). But on the other hand, it makes me “look more Muslim” specially when I don’t wear shorts. Because of my physical aspect, I felt people looked at me differently. But maybe that was a result of my fragile state, and, because a year ago, “talking about Muslims” was more common in the media due to everything: ISIS, Donald Trump, Syria, Paris attacks, etc. I think things calmed down a little bit in the last 14 months.

However, I did try to connect with an international group of LGBT+ Muslims worldwide, many years ago. It was nice, but I felt it was not enough. First, because they were believers and I’m not. Second, because we were all geographically distant from each other. Third, because Islam is SO diverse that the group had Bengali people, Pakistani people, Turkish people, Indians, Arabs, Iranians, etc. from the very different Islamic branches.
Although it’s very beautiful to see such diversity, I felt I didn’t connect with many. And it’s OK.
There are no LGBT+ organization focused on Muslims in Portugal. Actually, I barely know Muslim LGBT+s in Portugal (most are married people who live double lives, one thing I don’t want for me).

So, I joined the LGBTI Youth organization in Portugal to do volunteering work, back in 2013. And it’s been great. We go to schools and moderate debates about these topics, with the teenagers, which turns out to be quite gratifying. In my most depressive stages, going to these schools was the best part of my life.

And still is. This year I did a lot of volunteering in schools, where I felt very hopeful by the positive reception of the Portuguese youth. Some teenagers even came out to me in the end, crying. That was moving, and made me feel like I was making a huge difference in the world, positively.

So yes, this is my little update.
Thank you so much for taking your time to reply with such good insight.
I treasure every word in the comments here =)

Thank you for your words, R.
It’s nice to know you could relate and gave insight too.
I basically poured out all my major concerns in life (around that time last year). The concerns still remain but I feel much better now. Writing them and hearing feedback (yours and others) helped. I read at the time, but never replied. I guess I was a bit overwhelmed.

I agree, people don’t think about the possibility of another earthquake here on a day-to-day basis. I didn’t too. The reason I mentioned the earthquake in Lisbon is because: studying architecture, we came to learn that most buildings in Lisbon are in a fragile structural state. Even the new renovations happening! The city hall allows renovations with no structural plan. A basic term of responsibility signed by the architect is enough now, to accelerate renovation bureaucracy. I like this flexibility to allow a quicker recover from the city landscape, but I was told by some architects that some professionals who sign the term of responsibility just signed the paper and cannot assure (or even know) that the building is earthquake-safe. I fear it would not be pretty if another earthquake like the 1755 one happened.

Thanks again for your words. Who knows we might have crossed paths around the city ;)

Obrigado, Pedro. Sei que a resposta é tardia. Li na altura e as tuas palavras tiveram um impacto positivo.

“the rest of my life is so much bigger than that hate.”

Beautifully said, NM!