Nice!

That’s all good stuff! When COVID is over, all weddings and parties are going to be awesome to attend. You’ve got some great ways to save money here – congrats and good luck with it all!!

We are hoping for a mid-priced celebration in Philly a year from now or whenever the pandemic chills out. Tips (based on top 10 expenses)

1. Find a cheap venue- my friends in the band I play in live in a legit mansion that hosts events. They’ve never done a wedding, but enough large events that are similar it’s NBD

2. Rings- kinda don’t care TOO hard about this, but want something I like. I won’t be wearing at work at my main career since I’m in a medical field and, COVID. I like artsy antique stuff. Have inherited two rings, but bad family vibes. My partner inherited an amazing malachite ring (super awkward! his dad presented it to him at dinner the first time we met…less than three months into the relationship) with family history so he’s good. He has a potential ring for me too but not sure yet. Anything I like would be like $100-300 tops.

3. Band- non-negotiable, we are huge music nerds PLUS I play in a [sometimes wedding] band which is part of my income. Will probably be a good 40-50% of the budget. Times are tough rn especially for musicians. We haven’t gigged since first week of March (oddly enough, a private engagement party) Good news is the tradition we play is very heavy into tips (traditionally lick the bill and stick it to the forehead of the musician, um, maybe not right now).

4. Food- probably will DIY. I have cooked for similar crowds at that venue as well as many others. Good chance my friends will help, though it’s not necessary.

5. Alkys- my partner brews mead (awesome for toasts! check out “honeymoons” and “weddings”), we will start to brew wine with the harvest next month, and I work a side gig sometimes for a distillery- switching to 100% comp there rather than cash. Maybe will venture into beer, plenty of time.

4. Photographer- splitting it between 2 friends and colleagues, so they both can party. They quoted us good prices and are excited to do something post-pandemic

5. Florist- yeah, that’s me. I randomly picked up this skill two years ago. I love flowers, trader joe’s is cheap, not afraid to scavenge, we don’t need an excessive amount.

6. Event planner- yeah, no.

We are hoping with plenty of time from the pandemic we can get everything organized for a party that people will really, really need when life starts getting more normal…or at least past this.

That isn’t possible for a lot of people especially if the father is high up and well to do in society.
For most regular folks tho I’m sure they overspend, and will admit to feeling guilty and over spending, but they’d probably make the same decisions if they could do it again (for the first time).

Paying 1/3rd of a $36k+ wedding/dress combo isn’t so bad, that’s only about $12k. That certainly didn’t set you back much, and since you loved it, that’s what matters.

I agree with you about living with discipline and then splashing for special occasions. For me, my splashes are mainly travel. I occasionally drop a few grand on an international trip for 2-4 weeks, for example, because it makes for a huge and memorable time.

Yeah that’s the main thing, pressure.

Imo people should do what makes them happy, but not do things simply because it’s common to do it, or because they feel they have to.

Good for you for knowing what you want! And for slashing so much debt away too – that’s not easy!

Should add that there is no shame to wanting or not wanting one. The motivations just have to be right. It shouldn’t be done out of pressure

I should add that the wedding happened the same year I crushed my 30K in student loan debt (all in one year) while I worked part time and my husband was a grad student. If you prioritize and have a laser focus, you can do amazing things!