Honestly, I think you want my my post to say something it doesn’t… I was simply stating that having a stay at home spouse can be stressful on the “paid” working spouse as well. It a topic that is not talked about very much.

Agreed :(

It’s worth noting that the theme of this article is applicable to other genders and orientations. For instance, LGBTQ folks experience domestic violence and abuse at the same rates as straight people.* But, and I’m sadly not joking, cops will actually laugh at and mock domestic violence victims if they are gay, genderqueer, or transgender. (Brain explode 《<♧)

And one of the key tools for domestic violence is financial control, and is as big a problem in LGBTQ partnerships* as straight, with worse implications due to those populations' vulnerability.

So, "why women, men, and everyone in between should have a stash" … but the current title is way more clickable.

*https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT_DV_Webinar_5-14.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwjElf-wufPPAhUIPD4KHUjDADcQFggsMAI&usg=AFQjCNEYu8zfvlRYe4HxRD5BccObQFo5qA&sig2=5pYPRNiYOMMYDU7hUdcKRA

Yes!!! I was working, with a good salary, when I finally hit the end of what I would swallow in my first marriage, and I was still daunted by the financials. I was lucky that we sold the condo very fast at a small profit… if he had been as vindictive in separation and divorce as in the marriage*, he could have made it so much harder than it was – and it was wrenching and grueling.

In my current marriage, with spawn this time, we have yours mine and ours money. We fund retirement the same amount (not percentage, because we’re a team), save to our private accounts, which are all in Mint (so visible to both, but not accessible by both), and share all other funds.

I’m twitchy about control, and financial control, from my first marriage, so we set up our finances to be equitable but also so we had shared goals to get excited about. He soooo does not monitor my spending, or vice versa… but it’s especially helpful not even to have to check first before spending money from the personal accounts.

So basically yes, what Pauline said, right on sister.

*He was chaaaaaanged now

Wait, did you say that you were mentally complaining because your wife hasn’t worked for 6 years, and you have kids? Do you consider her staying home with kids to be “not working”?! Dude.

I’m home now, exhausted to the point of tears, with a sick baby, and I am SO GRATEFUL for the incredibly hard working childcare professionals who I pay $1600/month, and my work pays $800/month. And frankly, I think all of those women – and they’re all women – are way underpaid for how hard they work.

That’s really great that you value your wife’s unpaid contributions that way.

But we all have heard 1,000+ stories of situations like that, in which the stay-at-home partner was suddenly not valued (for lots of reasons) and the working partner found it easy, suddenly, to justify screwing them over. Too precarious!

If I stayed at home – I wouldn’t because too hard and financially scary – I’d want an agreement in writing on the financial value of my contributions. Just to make it clear that stay-at-home work, at market rates, is way more than people think, and likely much more than half of the other’s salary.

That’s a good way to do it! Especially because it means y’all could survive a lay off since you’re already living on one income – for at least the ‘needs’ yeah?

We had to adjust the % a little (she pays insurance so I upped my %), but overall it works out great.

Thought kids were money black holes!