However, this hits close to home. At 33, I decided to give fostering a try. Certification was easy, though the actual fostering was a nightmare for me. I gave up the adoption hope that I’ve always had because private adoptions are at least as expensive as buying a new car. So, I did the crazy. I started asking around to find a sperm donor at 36 so I could do this thing on my own. I was quite amazed at how many men said no, but because they would want to be involved and I didn’t want involvement. Sperm banks require quite a bit of money, depending on how many attempts you make. I was hoping to find someone that I could have access to for medical questions or whatever, if needed in the future. It worked out well, I’m currently 41 and have a perfect for me 4 year old daughter.

This option can be amazingly cheap if she can find someone she knows to donate… and she can do the actual insemination herself. I did it with my doctor cheering me on… after doing a double take when I told him what I was up to.

Tell her not to lose hope, but consider more options than egg freezing.

Also – I live in Chicago and 0 options cost anywhere near $30k for a cycle, maybe 2+ cycles with meds and no insurance coverage? Anyways, whatever it costs, if she can’t afford this on her own, how do you afford IVF and then raising a child? She would still be paying this loan off for years and that money would be better spent on raising a foster or adopted child.

I do agree that if someone were to offer to help financially in this scenario it should be seen as a very generous gift.

All the negative reasons you’ve listed far outweigh the positive reasons. “The gift of a baby” is a fallacy because they could have the baby, even without an interest-free co-signment.

Likewise, I would feel extremely uncomfortable cosigning with someone who, you said yourself:

” She is 41 years old, super smart, has a great job, but hasn’t been a great money saver in life”

And even moreso, I’d feel very uncomfortable helping her deliver a child into a world if she is unable to save money. Not in like a ‘judgy’ way, but that baby’s gonna have a pretty terrible life if their parents aren’t financially responsible enough to rack up enough money where 20k won’t be a huge dent in their net worth.

Like sure, you’ll feel great helping her because you’re doing *her* a favor, but you’re not doing the kid any favors.

Now I know this is a different scenario, but the reason Judge Judy has so much material and makes so much money is because of family and friend “loans.”

If you value your friendship more than anything, don’t do it. Instead, if you have the money, give her a few thousand as a “gift” towards the loan instead. Let her figure it out, plus there is always adoption.